ME3: Blue Grit
by BA Tanglepaw
Summary: Summary: Liara's experiences while Shepard is making the final run and after. Contains spoilers for ME3. Disclaimer: Bioware owns all the rights. I'm only here for the adventure! (OK - and the romance.)
1. Chapter 1: Something

A/N: This episode begins as Shepard leaves Liara, and in this case, Garrus, on the Normandy, and continues parallel to Shepard's actions through and just past the end of ME3. Personally, I found Liara's actions in the endgame to be inconsistent with her history of dedication to Shepard and out of keeping with her character in general. This is my attempt to address that and to set up another little adventure I am in the midst of writing. I plan to update every couple of days until the story is complete. Thank you for reading. Feel free to PM/Review anytime!

Chapter One: Something

Time ceased to be of any consequence as Liara leaned into Garrus and watched Shepard rushing toward the Citadel beam through blurry, red-rimmed eyes. She was detached from her surroundings, all motion and sound seemed to be trapped in a simmering, oily bubble. Until that moment she hadn't known that she could even produce the mournful sounds that rang through her brain. But, she heard them, her own voice distant and disembodied, desperately crying Shepard's name.

Every step bearing the the Commander closer to the beam detonated in her heart, shattering it like hot glass, every footfall was a razor sharp shard cutting her off from her life, her future. As the Normandy's cargo hatch slowly closed, she was determined to drink in every fleeting glimpse of her lover and add its brightness to the vault of her soul. She continued to stare as the door closed, finally obscuring the sight of her bondmate's lurching form and the cratered, war torn streets below. As the heavy door seal echoed, she shivered from the shock of Shepard's last words resounding through her thoughts, _"You mean everything to me Liara. You always will."_

Each breath she drew in those horrible moments made her chest a fiery mass of grief. Every shuddering exhalation made her throat burn. She could feel the stream of overheated blood pulsing past her knee and pooling in her boot from the deep slash in her thigh and grimaced at the relentless pounding in her head. But those were small things compared to the searing trail of each molten tear scalding her blood flecked cheeks and every tortured cry from her constricted throat. _"She's gone." _

Pulling in a ragged breath she tried to stand on her own but her legs betrayed her. Garrus snaked his arm around her waist, trying vainly but valiantly to keep her upright, then they began a staggered march through the cargo hold to the elevator. She weakly latched onto him, feeling the tremors in his body from the effort he was making to follow Shepard's orders. They made it as far as the work area, but they were both too badly wounded to continue to support each other. As they collapsed to the deck, Liara's empty stomach rebelled and she swallowed the bile in her throat, wincing at the caustic taste while struggling to regain her orientation. The sounds in the cargo hold amplified as she lay tangled with her turian companion on the deck.

Absently she looked up, her hazy mind noting that the Normandy must have picked up stragglers and casualties on its way through London. Through a fog, she heard voices she'd never heard before and she began to see the faces of crew and soldiers she'd never met. There was activity all around her but none of it meant anything. At that moment, the only person that mattered was nowhere near. Too weak to get up, she battled to remain lucid, hoping to see a familiar face or hear a familiar voice. Just as she felt her senses begin to drain away, her hope was realized.

"Dios, Doc!" She felt a cool application of medigel to her leg and then Vega's breath against her cheek as he carefully cradled her to his chest. "I'm taking you to the med bay now!" She felt him balance her in his muscular arms and rise with ease. As he began scuttling rapidly to the elevator she heard him shout over his back, "Somebody get over here, pick up Vakarian and follow me!"

Liara heard boots scramble to obey. Sighing deeply, she managed to lock eyes with those of the burly marine. He smelled of smoke and heavy gunplay, but he was alive. He was here. She took in his concerned, grimy face. She could see the tension in his broad jaw and the bruising under his assessing eyes as he gauged her current, sorry state. James' voice was hoarse. "Where's Lola?"

"She's gone on...trying to get to the beam." Part statement, part question she whimpered in a choked, trembling whisper. "She - had to leave me behind."

She saw her own sorrow in his misty eyes and drawn brow. Gently, reverently, he quietly declared, "She did."

Liara knew the truth of it. She'd acted as medic on more ground missions than she could count - before and during this wretched war. She knew it would have only held her Commander back or possibly gotten her killed if she'd tried to make that last push by her side. Her eyes leeched hot droplets at the thought, stinging as they rolled down her temples. As James settled her on a gurney, pain lanced through her leg and her brain felt like it was bursting. The sun bright exam light overhead assaulted her, burning away the haze, making everything suddenly real. Biting her lip, she brushed at the flow of tears and covered her burning eyes with her filthy arm, seeking respite from the intrusive light.

"I'm going to take these off so the doctor can take a look at you." She heard a strange voice nearby speaking to her, its owner's unknown hands efficiently removing her gear. Peeking between her fingers she glimpsed a young, blonde medic working to deftly unfasten the array of buckles and fasteners on her armor. Making quick work of loosening the armor and exposing her compression suit, she realized the medic would have her stripped naked in short order.

So did Vega. Through the grime Liara could see the red tinge to his ears and cheeks. James cleared his throat. "Uh -I better...um, I'm gonna go check on Vakarian."

Memories of all the times Shepard and Vega had spent trying to make each other blush brought a weak smile to her lips. "Thank you James."

As Vega turned away, she grasped his thick wrist. Catching his eye, she murmured, "Will you be back?"

Composing himself, for her sake she was sure, he playfully leered at her state of undress and jauntily winked at her, "You can count on it." Then he strode off in search of Garrus. Though she was glad that James had given her some privacy, she immediately missed his solid presence.

The medic rapidly completed her task and tucking a light sheet over Liara, prepared to leave. "One of the doctors will be here soon". Taking notice of the glaring exam light overhead, she dimmed it and left.

"_Doctors?"_ Liara thought. _"There's only one doctor on the Normandy"_. Somehow the idea of a stranger taking care of her was disquieting, threatening a new wave of nausea. But, she calmed as she heard a familiar, elegant, distinctly English voice moving toward her then entering her curtained cubicle.

"Yes, James! Garrus will be fine. They just have to remove the scrapyard collection from his leg. I'll let you know when he's out of surgery. Get a cup of coffee or, better yet, go feed that giant body of yours. Now shoo, I have a patient to see." Pulling back the flimsy curtain around Liara's gurney, Dr. Chakwas swept to the maiden's side. "Liara...I'm glad to see you're alive. I was worried sick."

The sight of her friend's face caused Liara to choke back a sob of anguished relief. Leaning up she started, "But Shepard, she's..."

"I know Liara." Chakwas interrupted her, then finished with quiet confidence, "Garrus told me all about it. She's doing what Commander Shepard does best." Her hand was gentle as she pushed Liara back to rest on the incline of the bed. Opening her omnitool she wasted no time in examining her patient. "Let me get a good look at you."

Liara tried to relax. Closing her eyes, she forced herself to focus and let her mind work. Despite the tremendous pain she felt, she desperately needed to do –_ something_. Her rational thoughts were jumbled, tangled with her fear for Shepard, her fear for the galaxy and the needle-like fire in her brain. A deep sense of urgency rose within as she sought to bring order to her mind. Finally, a jot of her scientific training surfaced. _"The facts. What are the facts?" _

As she began to get a grip on her faculties, she clumsily forced herself to try to sit up and began questioning the silver-haired woman attending her. "Dr. Chakwas, do you know what's happening? Did Shepard make it? Have the arms opened? "

"Easy...easy. Rest, Liara." the doctor gently cupped her face, her maternal touch encouraging the asari's gaze into her own, and her exposed body back onto the gurney. Settling the sheet over Liara she reassured her, "First things first. Let's get you treated, then we'll consider the state of the known galaxy, alright?"

Liara blinked and dropped her head onto the pillow with a sigh. "Y-yes. You are right, of course."

Not one to waste time, the doctor started an IV filled with blood the maiden had banked in the medical bay stores after rejoining Shepard and the Normandy. She began to feel somewhat stronger almost immediately.

"This is not a sedative but it will help relieve the pain and allow me to work on your leg." Karin turned with a hypoinjector at the ready. "You have a head injury and I need to keep you awake for the time being. I'm also assuming you would prefer to be awake and aware. Am I right?"

"Yes-ss," Liara hissed, clamping her teeth as the doctor administered the drug to her upper thigh. She felt the chemical race through her body like icy fire, but she soon felt relief, even the throbbing in her head stopped.

Dr. Chakwas' tone was serious as she offered Liara her assessment. "You have a severe laceration to the fascia in your leg. You're very lucky that you didn't bleed out before James could get you here. I'll need to repair the artery, suture the wound closed and secure your leg with a brace so that you don't re-injure it." Her brows drew together as she continued, "Also, you have a significant concussion. The scan doesn't show any fracture to your skull and there are no signs of continued intercranial bleeding, but I'm going to have to keep a close eye on you to be certain."

That last bit of news didn't sit well with Liara, but she knew her leg needed to be tended. She couldn't do anything useful or help anyone until she was back on her feet. So, she forced herself to take a deep breath and turned her thoughts to that something that needed doing. Shepard was out there, very likely alone...somewhere.

Karin pulled a stool to the bedside and began repairing the damaged artery. As she worked she responded to the maiden's earlier query, "There has been no word about the Citadel or the Commander up to this point."

Liara winced as the doctor pulled her wounded flesh into place. Chakwas quickly dosed the wound with a numbing agent and skillfully returned to her ministrations. Picking up where she left off she continued. "Ashley and Specialist Traynor have been monitoring the feeds waiting for any bit of news. They promised they would inform me immediately if they got any new word regarding the Commander. Up to now, Joker and EDI have been using our stealth drive to pick up any survivors from the base and from Hammer that we could find. You and Garrus were the last."

Faces from the FOB flashed through the asari's inner vision, especially those of her old friends and crewmates. "Goddess. How many?"

Finishing with the sutures, Karin closed her eyes and rubbed her neck. "In total we aren't certain of how many survived. The Normandy has picked up sixty-two. Of our own crew, we've got Tali, James, Ashley, EDI, Samara, Garrus and yourself."

The catch in her throat returned with a vengeance as she thought of the names left off of the list. Liara fought to keep her voice from breaking. "What about the rest?"

"We simply don't know." The doctor meticulously, but gently washed Liara's face and throat clean of blood, dirt and tears and disinfected the patchwork of scrapes and minor cuts on them, her touch light, comforting. "It is entirely possible that they are still fighting somewhere...and that they're very much alive."

"Shepard," the asari maiden heard herself say, as she wondered where in that hell on Earth her lover was at that very moment.

"Yes, Liara. The Commander as well." Dr. Chakwas' eyes latched onto the asari's as she finished her work by wiping the grime from Liara's arms with a cool cloth.

The maiden caught herself studying the doctor's face as she accepted a drink of electrolytes that seemed to mysteriously appear from nowhere. Peering into the doctor's eyes she realized for the first time that she saw the same kind of strength and compassion she saw when she gazed into Shepard's eyes. Somehow the connection spoke to her, reinvigorated her. In the time it took for her heart to beat once, she knew what the _something_ was, had fully embraced it and started formulating a plan to achieve it.

Arching her brow, Chakwas appeared to be studying her in return. "I know that look, Dr. T'Soni. The last time I saw it, you mysteriously disappeared. Are you making a similar plan? Because I cannot, in good conscience allow -"

"No, Dr. Chakwas," she retorted a bit more vehemently than she meant to, cutting the doctor short. "I have no intention of disappearing." Gathering her wits, she decided to trust this woman with her agenda.

"I am going after Shepard." Liara's voice rang with determination. Delicately touching the dogtags around her neck, she blew out a deep breath. "She is everything."


	2. Chapter 2: Out of The Frying Pan

Chapter 2: Out of the Frying Pan

The admission slipped from Liara's tongue like water and she suddenly felt flushed and ill as the realization that this mere mortal in front of her, might, and, given her current state, very likely could - stop her.

Chakwas' response made her blink. Rather than the resounding "no" she anticipated, the doctor threw her head back and laughed. The sound resonated with the quality of fine chimes, full-voiced, but oddly pleasant, infectious.

The asari wasn't sure whether to attempt to get up and run, not that she could do that easily or that she would be successful, or to laugh with the human at the insanity of her own resolution. Instead, she sat up and placing her hand on her friend's shoulder, inquired, "Dr. Chakwas?"

"Liara, you are as mad as a hatter!" The doctor's laughter ceased and once again she regarded her patient with a practiced eye. Solemnly, she asked, "I don't suppose I could dissuade you from this fool's errand?"

"I am not certain as to what a "hatter" is, but no – you cannot convince me to remain on board. Not while she is out there." Glancing down, Liara's brows drew together and her eyes welled as she picked at the sheet hiding her nudity. She would never feel whole or right if she failed to act. Once again she looked directly into the doctor's eyes. Her heart cried, but her voice was steady. "If our positions were reversed, Shepard would _never_ quit until she found me. She would _never_ abandon me. I will not abandon her. I must to do this."

Drawing her arms across her chest, Chakwas responded coolly, "Then I have no choice..." Liara felt her heart in her throat as the doctor drew out the words. "...I will have to accompany you."

The breath Liara had been holding exploded from her parched mouth. This was not at all what she'd expected. "Wait – what?"

"I said. I am going with you," the woman enunciated as she stood and stretched. A look of mischief flashed across her features, a smile warming her face. "Since we are going to be companions on your mission of mercy, I suggest that you call me Karin."

"I can't ask...y-you can't...just leave...can you?" Liara sputtered.

"As a matter of fact, I can. And – I've just now decided to do so." Karin briefly drew back the privacy curtain, exposing the med bay and its many attendants to the asari maiden, then swiftly pulled it back into place. "Look around. There are others now. I am not the sole occupant here. The Normandy doesn't need me. But frankly my dear, you, and possibly Commander Shepard, will need my help. You can't possibly think that you are in any shape to try this alone. Truthfully, you're not in any condition to try it period! But you are right. Shepard _didn't _leave me, nor would she ever leave you behind. So, yes, if you are determined to go – we go together. Now, what is your plan?"

Nerves afire, Liara began her revelation. "I...that is, we...will take a shuttle back to the perimeter of the LZ and try to trace her from there. Then -."

Her plan was cut off by a new voice. "What's this about a shuttle and an LZ?" Ashley Williams stepped past the curtain, long fingers resting on her hips as she leaned into the gurney.

Liara sucked in another deep breath knowing she couldn't lie or evade the issue. "I'm, er..," gesturing to Dr. Chakwas she continued, "rather we're - going after the Commander."

"What's this about going after Shepard?" Another very excited voice joined the fray as Vega poked his head around the curtain, his oversized hand mostly covering his eyes. "Not without me!"

"Well said, Mr. Vega!" Karin sounded absolutely delighted.

Williams raised her hand. "Whoa. Just stop a minute. What are you thinking, Liara?" She exploded. "Don't you think the risk is too high? You could be killed just trying to get to her."

The maiden realized it was imperative to have Ash on board. In Shepard's absence, Williams was in command. She could could help immensely, or she could scrub the whole thing with a word. Liara might be the Shadow Broker, but she was on an Alliance frigate.

Rather than delivering the fierce defense that hovered on her tongue, Liara schooled her voice, set her jaw and answered. "The plan is to take one of the Kodiaks, make our way back to the LZ and retrace Shepard's trail until...until I find her. Then, to render whatever assistance we can...whether it's getting to the beam, opening the arms of the Citadel or...or goddess, just bringing her back." She stopped to choke back the tears rising from that last part. Suddenly, time whirled into essence, her deepest instincts spurring her sense of urgency. That sudden worry made the room spin and chilled her flesh. "As to risk...what risk is it really? There is no place that's safe anymore – not even the Normandy."

At first, Williams looked like she was going to furiously resist, but in the seconds of silence that followed she must have realized the depth of the maiden's conviction and determination. As the truth seemed to sink in, her expressive brown eyes softened and her squared shoulders dropped. "I hate to admit it – but you're right." She gently gripped Liara's upper arm, the contact surprisingly supportive and comforting as she appeared to skeptically consider the asari's condition. "You're sure about this?"

Liara nodded. "Absolutely."

"Well," Ash cocked her head. "There was no evac plan or exit strategy in place. But, then again, there never is. No offense - but I doubt they thought one would be necessary." She bit her ample lip, pausing, her expression suddenly thoughtful. "Maybe they don't know the Skipper very well after all."

A silent plea in her eyes, Liara brought her hand up to cover Ashley's grip on her arm. "I have to go. I have to do this."

"I know." Williams tossed her head, whipping her chestnut hair over her back, then she blew out a breath and made her position clear. "I don't like it. But I understand. Man, it's just, well - I want to go too! But, I can't. No matter how much I want to, I have to stay with the ship. I have to be here for the crew. I hope you understand."

Relief washed through Liara. "I do. I would expect no less from you and I know that Shepard wouldn't either. You are the Normandy's XO. The Commander trusts you. You're needed here."

"Dear God. Hackett is gonna kill me when he finds out." Ash bent and gave Liara a quick hug. "Okay," she said as she stood up, "okay. I'll do whatever I can to help."

"Yesss!" James brayed gleefully behind the curtain. "We're going!"

"C'mon Vega." Ash called to him as she began to retreat, "You have a shuttle to warm up." She glanced at Liara and the doctor. "Meet James in the cargo bay ASAP. You're going to have to hurry. We've been ordered to bug out when the Crucible is ready to fire. We've got to get you gone." Quickly, she hugged Dr. Chakwas. "Okay, I've got to get back to the bridge." With a sad smile, she said her farewell, "Godspeed – to all of us."

Watching as Williams disappeared behind the curtain, an impish grin on her lips, Karin turned to Liara. "That was fast. It's gratifying when a plan comes together, don't you agree? Ah well, let me find you something to cover up with and then we can go by your office and get you more appropriately attired."

"Um, Karin?" Liara felt her face infuse with purple as her mind filled with bittersweet memories of her last moments in the correct destination.

"Yes, Liara." The doctor handed her a crisp lab coat and began packing a medical bag with medigel, drugs, freeze-dried platelets and other odds and ends.

"My armor is in the loft." Despite the gravity of the situation, Liara smiled.


	3. Chapter 3: Into the Fire

A/N - To those of you who have taken the time to review and PM - you have my deepest gratitude. I appreciate the encouragement and feedback you share! To those following, favoriting and reading - thanks to you also! I enjoy hearing from everyone, so feel free to PM or review anytime. I will do my best to respond quickly.

Chapter Three: Into the Fire

It was no easy task to dress and gear up, but with Dr. Chakwas' assistance, Liara managed to hobble to the Normandy's loft and get a fresh set of armor on. She swiftly settled on a set of Commando leathers her father had sent as a gift. They were styled similarly to her old set, but streamlined – no tails, but still many more buckles than she might have wished. The best feature of the gear was the tiny biotic amps strategically installed in the thin compression suit. Overall, the armor was lighter than her usual suit, but with the leg brace hampering her, she needed the flexibility and the welcome recharge power to compensate.

Quickly, she rummaged through the locker she shared with Shepard, throwing some carefully selected items and hoarded ammo into a gear bag. Then opening her omnitool, she tapped a few critical command codes in and grit her teeth to move. She felt much better after her visit to the medbay, but the pain relieving drug she received was beginning to wear off. Her body ached, she still felt dizzy and her leg was very definitely sore and terribly inconvenient.

Karin smiled as she reached to support her, "Are you ready, Liara? Are you still sure about this adventure?"

"Yes." The maiden grimly replied. "I am."

They wasted no more words as they made their way to the cargo bay and over to the Kodiak. The quiet hum of its engines calmed her nerves and a strange serenity claimed her as she realized that they would be underway very soon. Karin helped her sit on the edge of the shuttle hatch as James exited the cockpit and stopped next to her.

"Ready to go, Doc?" The grin of childlike excitement he wore softened the hard lines and the battle-scarred features of his face, making him almost handsome.

"As ready as I'll ever be James." Liara knew he was in his element and it just felt right for him to be with her to do this.

"Good." Speeding things along, he stooped down and gently picked her up, his trademark smirk making her smile. "After you," he nodded toward Karin, who immediately stepped alongside them and made her way to a seat.

Vega turned toward the shuttle cabin, allowing Liara an interior view. Caught off guard, she drew a sharp breath at the sight.

Javik cleared his throat before speaking. "I hid here to find some solitude from these primitives but it seems I am to have no peace. Your James-soldier told me of this mission. I am convinced that you will need my assistance to succeed." The prothean smugly continued, "We have unfinished business as well, Liara T'Soni." Resuming his stoic facade, he buckled his seat harness, "Let us delay no further."

Despite his strange and somber personality, Liara rapidly recovered her wits and found that she was pleased that he would volunteer. "Of course. Thank you Javik."

Vega carefully deposited her in the co-pilot's seat and practically bounced into the pilot's seat. Liara strapped in and opened the comm link to the Normandy's bridge.

"Are you there, Joker?"

"_In the flesh Liara...uh, so to speak."_ The pilot responded flippantly. _"I hear you're taking a joyride in one of our shuttles."_

"Not exactly. Lieutenant Commander Williams has given us permission to take it. Would it be too much trouble to clear us for departure and open the cargo bay hatch?"

"_No trouble...wait, the LC wants a word with you first."_

Ash's voice cut in. _"Liara, there's a change of plans. Traynor just informed me that the arms are opening and the Crucible is heading in to dock. Unofficial word is that the Commander is the one who opened them. You've got to go to the Citadel to find her. There's not much time. You've got to go now! Give Shepard my best and good luck." _

"Then that's where we're going." Her adrenaline spiking exponentially, Liara willed the already moving ramp to open faster.

Joker sounded desperate as he returned to the comm. _"EDI and I brought you in as close as we can...should save you some time. Go. Find her Liara."_

"We will Joker." She wanted to believe it. Now that they had some idea of where Shepard was, it seemed very possible. "Goddess be with you all."

Liara's stomach lurched as the shuttle launched from its cradle into the maw of space. As they cleared the deck, she began to hear Alliance chatter on the comm. She cocked her head, listening closely for any pertinent information or intel while James activated the viewports and checked the stealth drive. Joker was as good as his word and the Citadel immediately appeared through the windshield.

The Normandy swept into view overhead and swiftly diminished into the fray of allied vessels and reaper ships engaged in combat. Raging streaks of red light and smoking fragments of hulls, wings and other flotsam littered the darkness, glinting in the light of Sol.

As they soared toward their goal, the Citadel arms fully extended. Almost simultaneously, they watched as the Crucible docked and latched onto the Presidium ring.

Vega whistled, his eyes filled with awe. "Damn, look at that thing! It's huge! Glad it's ours."

Liara looked up from the strategic display in front of her. She'd found the plans and mobilized most of the resources that had built the Crucible, but she wasn't prepared for her firsthand response to the real thing. Her eyes grew wide as she took in the scope of it. Trying to maintain her dignity she commented as dryly as she could manage, "It is impressive."

"Just...yeah...wow!" James banked the Kodiak to veer toward the stern of the Crucible, preparing for their final approach to the Presidium shuttle bays. Suddenly he turned to her, "Uh, Doc? Do we have any idea what this thing's gonna do?"

Liara rubbed her neck. She'd thought about it – a lot. "Truthfully. The short answer is no. No, we don't. Since no one knows how the mechanism itself will respond to the Catalyst, there is no way to be certain. The theory is that it will use the information provided by the Catalyst to target reaper signatures. But exactly how that will happen and what the overall effects of it will be are anyone's guess."

The marine let out an explosive snort, "You mean it could fry my heuvos, make me...aaugh, you know! His startled expression was comical. He groaned emphatically, "Could it kill us?!"

As the Presidium loomed large in the viewport, its atmosphere dark and gloomy, Liara reassured him. "That is a possibility, but not likely. The species that contributed to its design wouldn't have wanted to create something that would end all life in the galaxy. If that is what they hoped for they would have simply allowed themselves to be harvested."

"Madre, that's a relief," he shifted his bulk back into the seat, his agate eyes narrowing to their normal size. "At least some relief," he muttered as he brought them in on final approach, the C-sec shuttle bay looming large on the horizon.

"James, I am more concerned about -." Her concern was interrupted by Admiral Hackett's voice on the comm. _"The Crucible is preparing to fire! Everyone bug out! I repeat, everyone get the hell out of here."_

Hackett's orders had no sooner ended than the shuttle was engulfed by a wave of pulsing red light. The Kodiak bucked as Vega fought to control its pitch and yaw.

"We need to set down now!" Liara ordered, yelling to make herself heard over the vibrations singing through the vessel's hull.

James continued his fight to keep them airborne. "Where?! Shit! We're not gonna make the dock!"

"There!" Liara pointed at the viewport, "in the lake!"

Craning her neck to the cockpit hatch she called to Javik and Dr. Chakwas, "Hold on, we're making an emergency landing!" Turning back, she ripped the end of her restraint tight, sending a lance of pain through her thigh. Her head snapped back as the shuttle plunged onto the lake's surface. She heard water rushing against the hull and a whining, screeching noise followed by a crash - then her mind went black.


	4. Chapter 4: Blue Grit

Chapter Four: Blue Grit

"Liara... Liara... " Someone was calling her name. It sounded faraway, but she sensed someone near.

Slowly, the asari opened her eyes only to be overcome by the spinning interior of the shuttle. She blinked as her surroundings became clearer and the vortex in her vision halted. Her head hurt – again. "Ugh."

Dr. Chakwas knelt beside her seat, her firm grip supporting the maiden's slumped shoulders. "Liara, wake up dear."

"I am awake... um, Karin." She reached to rub her head and the doctor immediately caught her gloved hand in midair.

"Don't try to move just yet. You hit your head." Chakwas quickly examined her temple. "Fortunately for us, it's nearly as hard as Lieutenant Vega's."

_We crashed onto the Citadel. _Suddenly she felt panicked. "Is everyone alright?"

"Yes. We were incredibly lucky. You seem to be the only one of us that was injured." Finishing her task, the silver-haired doctor asked, "Do you hurt anywhere else?"

As she became oriented, she realized that she did in fact hurt everywhere, but she felt no new wounds – only the throbbing of her older injuries. "I'm fine." She tried to move her leg – but the flare in her wound forced her to flop gracelessly back into her seat. "Except my leg. It really, umph!"

"I told you not to move. Perhaps next time you'll heed my advice." Eyebrows raised, Karin chided gently. "I'll give you another dose of meds – but I can't keep that up. At some point, you will have to rest and heal."

"After..." Liara winced as the doctor administered the drug. "After we find Shepard."

"Yes, after." Karin confirmed softly, standing up and calling toward the hatch. "James would you be so good as to come in and assist Dr. T'Soni?"

The Kodiak rocked as Vega's bulk entered. Fragile rubble underneath crunched sending a raucous echo through the cabin. Liara grabbed her seat as the shuttle tilted sharply and held tight to keep from falling. The sudden jarring sent one last searing wave through her thigh as the drug began to work. She clenched her jaw and waited for the pain to pass.

A shared glance of concern passed between the two humans. As they regarded each other in silence, they seemed to be conversing wordlessly. Vega looked to Dr. Chakwas and at a subtle nod of her head, moved to Liara's side.

"Sorry 'bout that Doc," the marine apologized nodding to her braced limb. Carefully, he helped her up and supported her as she exited onto the Citadel.

They emerged from the vessel to a tableau of catastrophe. As James carefully situated her on a block of concrete, Liara looked around her. The entire Presidium was a ruin. Great chunks of stone and plastisteel lay in mounds as far as she could see. Rebar and I-beams stood like skeletons, bent and stripped in sad testimony to what had once been a place of marvel. The entire area was darkened and razed, the air thin and slightly acrid, dusty, but breathable. Small fires smoldered on piles of debris punctuating the landscape. She squinted as she altered her view, looking toward where the Presidium Tower stood. What she saw made her heart nearly stop. Her emotions swelled at the sight of the remains of the once stately structure and the implications of the damage to it.

Liara knew that Shepard had to have been up there to open the arms, and her instinct told her that the Commander had very likely activated the Crucible as well. But the top of the tower was missing, as was the Crucible itself. She clasped her arms tightly around her breasts and dropped her head to control her growing fear. She hadn't realized the extent of her optimism for finding Shepard alive until this second. Despair swelled through the maiden like a typhoon.

Moments passed in silence as she fought to remain sane, to somehow find the strength to move ahead. Thoughts of Shepard dead or missing brought her back to Omega and finding her bondmate after her death at the hands of the Collectors.

Her rational mind spoke to her. _You faced that. You saw her then. You saw the wrecked shell, the body, that housed the woman that you love. You went through torture in the slim hope of bringing her back. There are no Blue Suns, no Collectors, no Yahg Shadow Broker. _She wrestled with herself. _Yes, but there's no Miranda or Project Lazarus either. I can't face that again. It's too much!_

Encouragement came from the last person she would have looked to for it. "Perhaps she is dead – perhaps not. There are many I regret leaving behind. I do not wish that for your Commander."

Her eyes awash, she looked up to see Javik stooped in front of her. Boldly, but with surprising gentleness he grasped her biceps and she saw...

_Shepard. Her stormy eyes blazing. "Was that the truth?"_

_Javik lounged against his workbench in the port hold of the Normandy. "Does it matter?" _

_Her Commander's face was filled with devotion as she replied softly, "Liara means a great deal to me. So, yes – it matters."_

Liara felt him release her. "You must not give up Liara T'Soni. This may not end well. We may not find her at all - but you possibly have a chance to see her again. Do not carry ghosts as I do. Finish what you started." Then the prothean silently stood and moved to James' side.

Looking up, she saw that her companions had gathered around her protectively. "I'm sorry," she spoke, her voice breaking. Her plan had been to find Shepard and get out, but getting caught in the pulse had created serious complications.

Karin took a seat next to her and rubbed soothing circles on her back. "We all knew this was a risky venture from the start." The doctor studied her team mates for confirmation as she finished. "There isn't one among us who is unwilling to see this through."

"I know. I am deeply grateful to all of you." Liara looked at her feet and thought of Feron. She had led them into this mess and it was her job to lead them out. Pulling on the deepest particles of her inner strength, she forced herself to rise. Her legs trembled as she wiped her face with her armored sleeve and got her bearings. Her heart was weighted like a leaden lump, her body felt weak and feverish, but she made her decision and grit her teeth.

Taking a step forward James reached to steady her, but she warded him off. She had to stand on her own. After the luxury of a single deep sigh, she forced herself to concentrate on the task at hand. Her throat was dry, her voice hoarse. "Exactly what is our situation?"

"The Kodiak, old grizzly that she is, survived our landing- " James started to say, but was cut off abruptly.

"That was no landing. That was a crash, human." Javik narrowed his four eyes and glared at the marine.

"Crash. Landing. Whatever." Vega swiped his face and shrugged his meaty shoulders. "Anyway, that pulse was a lot like the one that took us out on Despoinia when we found Leviathan. And, it seems to have had the same kind of effect. When we...'crashed'... ," James looked at the prothean pointedly, then continued, "we hit the lake and then the whole station shifted. While you were out of it, this place shook like San Francisco at a twelve point oh. Somehow the lake drained and the shuttle skid onto that wash over there - hit that building foundation next to it and hung up on that ridge of gravel. We're lucky that none of the junk flying around in here piled up on her. I've looked her over. She's messed up. But, I hung out with Esteban enough I can get her skyworthy."

"What about out there?" Liara pointed to the vacuum of space beyond the interior, the light of Sol illuminating particles and heaps of metal floating aimlessly in space. "Do we have any idea what happened?"

James nodded, rubbing his hands together anxiously. "Not really, Doc. But, there doesn't seem to be much going on. We'll know more once I get the tactical displays and comms going again."

"We're going to need to leave at some point." Liara cautiously massaged her aching temple and glanced at the Kodiak. "Go ahead James, see what you can do." As Vega strode to the shuttle, she picked up her questioning. "What else? Are there any signs of life? It feels like we are alone up here."

Sporting a rare frown, Dr. Chakwas pulled up her omnitool screen, "I've done some preliminary medical scans in the perimeter and there doesn't appear to be any life signs nearby. Unfortunately, this scanner is not designed to be reliable over an area of this size and scope. I'm afraid it will not be of much use in our search."

"I scouted the area thoroughly while you were - indisposed. There is no opposition. Our enemies are dead. Fresh reaper and Cerberus corpses foul this place, but I have found no others in this - mess." Javik folded his arms across his chest and looked down, his multiple eyes narrowed. "There has been no sign yet of the Commander either."

Liara wondered how many souls had been lost in this terrible place. The atmosphere was eerie. The once bright, shining Presidium now felt like a mausoleum or a morgue. Perhaps somewhere, maybe in the wards or lower reaches, there might be survivors, but right now her only concern was one specific life. "Alright." She shivered pointing at the badly damaged structure in the distance. "Let's begin our search here and move toward the tower."

Activating her omnitool, she tapped in a code sequence. Shortly, the glimmering blue form of Glyph was at eye-level with her.

"Good day, Dr. T'Soni. How may I be of assistance?" The bright sphere spun in anticipation of her request, its radiance and tone perversely cheerful in the dismal ruins.

Liara took a cleansing breath and gave the VI orders. "I need you to find Commander Shepard, Glyph." Limping as quickly after her little helper as she was able, she beckoned Javik and Karin to her and faced some of the longest hours of her life.

As Javik took point, Dr. Chakwas helped Liara over debris and through narrow passages. There were many obstacles and few clear stretches of path for them to navigate, but they made headway. A rhythm developed as the team searched the ruins. Glyph roamed ahead covering each designated perimeter to look for the Commander and to discover any dangers or hazards. The organics followed up as the VI reported anomalies, investigating each sector, looking for any trace of the Commander, then repeating the process.

The task seemed endless with so much area to cover. They encountered sad mementos, everything from datapads to broken toys, of the people who had called the monolithic station home, and saw evidence that Cerberus and the reapers had fought each other to a standstill. But, there had been no sign of Shepard. The asari struggled to keep her emotions in check. She wanted to believe that her bondmate could be found, but with every negative conclusion, her desperation mounted and her hopes dimmed. As she picked through the rubble of the old C-Sec post, she felt her heart clench when Glyph came whirling into sight again.

Her knees nearly buckled as Glyph made his report, "Dr. T'Soni, I have located the Commander."

She felt her face drain of color as Karin rapidly grabbed her around the waist to keep her upright. Her stomach quivered as she responded, her voice hollow and soft. "Where?"

"Follow me."


	5. Chapter 5: Not Enough Tears

Chapter Five: Not Enough Tears

Glyph led them through a depression in the sub-floor to a cavern of destroyed foundations and piles of rock. Several meters in, the little hologram arced up a gravel strewn incline and hovered over a stack of block-shaped pillars that had fallen askew under a wasted canopy of concrete. There was no sound, no movement, but Liara could see a small metallic reflection flare beneath the VI's nimbus.

She braced herself against Dr. Chakwas' arm and hobbled up the slope to find a body in blackened armor half buried in the rubble. _No! This can't be! _Frantic, she folded to her good leg by the broken figure and running her fingers over the surface of the ruined chestplate, grasped the dogtags glinting in the dim light. A wrenching sob ripped from her throat as as she held the familiar icons in her hand, her glazed eyes scanning the N7 symbol and personal data. She felt swallowed whole as her body, heart and soul stood on the verge of total collapse.

Reaching up, her hands trembled as she carefully cleared the sand and litter from her lover's battered head. Her burning eyes overflowed and droplets bathed Shepard's bruised, lacerated cheeks as Liara bent weeping and softly kissed the human's cool, dusty lips. Tenderly, she pushed the blood soaked, dirt-matted hair from the marred brow and lay her head on the Commander's stilled chest. There were not enough tears, there would never be enough.

Unbidden images assailed her mind. As the seconds ticked by she was tormented by every moment she'd spent loving and being loved by this woman. With each remembered touch or smile, every sweet word or shared thought, she felt her soul shred. She had no idea how she would face a future without her. She simply didn't know if she could. The asari were conditioned from youth to let go – but Liara couldn't find it within herself to do that.

She smelled the scorched stench of skin and felt the sentinel's slick blood clinging to her cheek as she lingered, but she couldn't make herself move from the one place in the world she wanted to be. Then, she felt something unexpected – the ghost of movement - a heavy rise and a shallow fall under her grieving face, then stillness again. Not certain that it was only wishful thinking - she stayed. Nothing. Then it happened again. Lifting her head, she cried, "Shepard!"

The maiden saw the Commander's singed lashes flutter slightly. Pulling herself up, she found herself looking into her bondmate's barely open, swollen eyes. "Liara..." Shepard managed to rasp, before her lids dropped closed again.

Relief flooded her. "Goddess, she's alive!"

Dr. Chakwas responded to the maiden's cry and dropped beside her. Swiftly she scanned the Commander and gravely regarded the findings. "She has a slim chance. But we must work quickly Liara!"

Javik heard the women and approached quietly. "How may I assist?"

Karin leaned back on her heels to assess the Commander's position. "You can start by removing this pillar that's pinning her legs." She turned to Liara. "Call James to come - tell him to bring the backboard from the shuttle. I need to try to stabilize her, and then we must evac quickly for her to have a fighting chance."

Liara complied immediately, then scuttled closer to Shepard's other side to give Chakwas room to work. She removed a glove and took the Commander's blood-encrusted hand in her own. The skin was cold to the touch and she nearly broke down again as she felt her lover's fingers close weakly over hers. The sentinel seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness. "I'm here Shepard. Just – hold on. Goddess, hold on."

James arrived carrying the hard stretcher and a bag of tools from the Kodiak. As Dr. Chakwas worked to address the myriad of injuries and damage to her patient, the others used their unique skills to free Shepard from what could have been her grave. After removing the pillar, they discovered that a strand of rebar pinned the Commander's leg, just above her knee. Vega cut the offending metal loose with a small, but powerful fusion torch and whittled it down, allowing Karin to field dress it in place. Working together, they quickly and quietly managed to get Shepard ready to move to the shuttle.

Liara felt feverish, the adrenaline coursing through her veins electrified her nerves and heightened her senses. Against enormous odds, they had found Shepard and she was deeply grateful to her friends – their friends, for giving so much of themselves to help her. Now it was time to move – and move quickly. "James, did you have any luck with the Kodiak? Will it get us out of here?"

"Oh yeah, it'll fly. A lot like a lead brick, but it will definitely fly," the marine assured her, scratching his head. "Problem is – I'm not sure where we're going to fly to. The drive core took a real beating. We just don't have the juice to make a very long trip."

Liara wrinkled her brow. "Is the comm equipment online?"

"Seemed to be working." Vega blew out a breath as he and Javik hoisted the stretcher between them. "Your comm came through from here alright. Just don't know if there are any outside buoys up and running. And Earth – well, you saw."

Leaning up from checking Shepard, Dr. Chakwas sounded somber, "There's little more I can do for the Commander here. She's not truly stable enough to move as it is, but we have no choice. We have to get her to a proper facility soon."

The maiden's eyes tightened, her slim jaw tensed. "We will. Let's just get Shepard to the Kodiak. We'll be able to check for any open external channels once we're there."

Progress back was difficult. They had to carry the Commander over countless obstacles and stop for Chakwas to check her vital signs. At one such stop, Shepard's labored breathing revealed an immediate crisis. Liara watched in fear, gripped by nausea, as the doctor purged a large bore needle piercing the ribs just over her lover's right breast, then hung a new IV drip on the backboard extension. She clutched her bondmate's palm, relieved when the spectre's breath improved, anguished by the glimpse of bruised, beaten flesh she witnessed beneath the tattered remains of the filthy compression shirt.

Glancing ahead, Liara could see the Kodiak parked on level terrain just over the next mound of debris. Apparently, James had taken the opportunity to bring the transport farther into the search area when she called him to assist. Nodding her thanks to him, she clenched her jaw and led them over the pile. Soon they were all aboard.

While Karin and Liara secured the Commander, Vega and Javik did a brief, pre-flight check. As the engines came on line with a decidedly unhealthy whine, James called out from the cockpit. "Looks like we're as good to go as we can get. The inertial dampeners are okay and our thrusters check out, but the drive core and navigation systems are pretty weak. Hate to say it, but this is a one-shot deal." Cocking his head to hear her response over the din, he asked the million credit question. "So, where are we headed?"

"Give me a moment James." Liara moved to the cabin's comm station and activated the console. "This is Dr. Liara T'Soni of the SSV Normandy. Is anyone on this channel?" The only reply was mild pops and repeated crackling. She tried again, her nerves frayed, and waited. Then again. Static filled the airwaves for several long seconds, its fluctuating volume finally settling into the tail end of a distant, but audible response.

"_r... r... T'Soni. This is the Nefrane. We have your shuttlecraft signal. You are transmitting from the Citadel? Confirm."_

"They're nearby, Doc," Vega relayed to her, "On a trajectory between the station and Earth."

Nearly crying with relief, she answered. "Affirmative. We are on the Citadel. My team has recovered Commander Shepard. She...she needs immediate medical assistance. Her condition is extremely critical. I am requesting permission to board with a crew of four and the Commander."

A crisp, elegant voice from the asari cruiser replied. _"This is Captain Valicia Kallisto, Commander of the Nefrane. Permission granted. Be aware that our navigation system is marginal. We will launch an approach beam for visual guidance and have a medical team meet you on deck." _

"Have there been any signs of reaper activity, Captain?"

"_Negative. It appears that whatever Commander Shepard did eliminated them. Contact us en route if you need further assistance. We'll be standing by. Nefrane out."_

"That was quick." Vega ran a hand over his head, a puzzled look on his face. "They seem pretty trusting to just take us on board without a bunch of questions."

Liara moved to the seat at her bondmate's head and strapped in. "Under normal circumstances they would not have allowed it. But, they certainly know who Shepard is, and the Captain is a good friend."

"I'm just glad somebody other than reapers are still around. Hold on, this is going to be a wild ride." James revved the engines and began the climb out. "Alright, vamos!"

Liara felt the shuttle lurch as it began its ascent. Glancing at Dr. Chakwas she saw the alarm in her eyes. Re-settling the blanket on the Commander, Karin told her in a guarded voice. "I won't lie to you, Liara. She's in terrible shape and it's getting worse. The only reason she's survived this long is because of her implants."

Gently caressing the sentinel's cheek, her fingers twined loosely with her lover's, Liara bent to her ear. "Please, Shepard, we're leaving. Don't die on me now."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N - Good old Doc X was being temperamental this evening. Sorry for any inconvenience!


	6. Chapter 6: Fight for Me

Chapter Six: Fight for Me

Though the Kodiak handled poorly and the journey was rough, it was blessedly short. The Nefrane pulled in close to the nearly decimated Citadel and its guidance beacon effectively homed them in. Captain Kallisto was true to her word. A medical team was standing by as the alliance shuttle dropped noisily to the appointed deck, its drive core grinding as it parked.

Knowing the medics would board quickly, Liara bent down to her unconscious bondmate and brushed their lips together softly. With a light touch, she stroked the pale cheek and fought to keep the tears at bay as she studied the spectre's face. She felt her own warm breath on her bondmate's skin. "I love you, Shepard."

She glanced up. Vega was standing over her with a look she had never seen him wear, staring wistfully at the lovers. His brows were deep, his lips parted, his heavy jaw slack. She'd always felt a kind of melancholy about him despite his jovial seeming nature. She peered at him closely. _What is it?_ It wasn't jealousy. It was something that felt hopeful, but bittersweet. A yearning - not for herself or for Shepard she was certain, but for what they shared. She sensed a deep loss in him and wondering what the root of it was – her heart ached for him.

The bustle of the asari crew broke the spell. They gathered Shepard up and with the aid of a hover gurney hustled her out of the shuttle and began rushing to the medical bay. Liara struggled with her braced leg trying to keep up. As they approached the inner doors of the triage suite she stopped, knowing that she would be expelled if she tried to continue into the unit proper. Dr. Chakwas halted as well but one of the medical techs waved for her to continue with them.

Karin pivoted quickly to the maiden before following. "I'm not sure how they know who, or for that matter – what I am. But let's not look a gift horse in the mouth, shall we? I'll get word to you as soon as I can." The doctor gave her a pat on the shoulder and disappeared behind Shepard's entourage.

Liara stood staring at the closed doors drawn into a timeless emotional tunnel, motion blurred, her mind focused solely on her mate's survival. She'd nearly forgotten that her companions were with her until she heard James speak. Another sidelong glance at him revealed that his cocky demeanor was back, replete with its usual smirk. He snorted sarcastically. "Well, took 'em long enough, don't you think?"

The gravity of Shepard's injuries and overall condition threatened to overwhelm her. Wrapping her arms around herself, she shivered. "I hope not, James."

The marine sounded off, a hint of pride in his voice. "Hey, Lola's tough! It'll take more than the Citadel falling on her to keep her down. She'll be up whipping the galaxy into shape in no time."

A bevy of footsteps approached. "That's the idea." A familiar Australian voice piped up as Miranda Lawson arrived with the Commander of the Nefrane and an asari lieutenant in tow.

"Miranda!" Crest tilted in disbelief, eyes wide, Liara rushed to greet the former Cerberus Operative, relieved to see her in one piece. Gravity shifted at the sight of the capable brunette and she felt her spirits rise. "Goddess, how did you get here?!"

The operative blushed. "That will make for a long story. One that I will happily share with you – but later. For the moment, I think I'd better get in and see what's happening with Shepard. Right now, I'll leave you in Captain Kallisto's capable hands and get to it." With a quick grip to Liara's arm and a confident smile, she strode through the doors of the inner ward.

"Hmm, um, mm," the burly marine began, his eyes on Lawson's posterior. "Not as good as..."

Javik interrupted Vega brusquely. "If you finish that statement human, I will be forced to cut out your tongue."

Captain Valicia Kallisto smoothly interceded by striding between them to the maiden, her arms open. "Goddess, it's been too long, Liara! Thirty years and I hear from you now of all times. It's good to see you."

Liara closed her eyes and fell into a warm hug. "It's good to see you too, Val. I've missed you."

The captain laughed lightly. "Nah, you just miss the trouble we get into together. Then again, you appear to be doing a good job of finding it on your own." Stepping back she appraised James and Javik, arching a white tick-marked brow. "And who are these fine specimens?"

The prothean shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny and crossed his arms. "I am Javik. Commander Javik."

Sensing the prothean's reticence, the captain pleasantly nodded her head to him and took a step back, teal skinned palms up. "Welcome to the Nefrane, Commander." Javik seemed passably pleased and actually managed a semi-polite nod in return.

"And this is Lieutenant James Vega. I wouldn't be here without them." Liara watched, mesmerized as her old friend graciously disarmed both soldiers.

Kallisto shook his offered hand and looked him in the eye, a sensuous smile on her lips. "Lieutenant."

"A pleasure to...um meet you, Captain. Thanks for - uh – helping us out." Vega stammered, clearly taken by the asari captain's blue skin, white eye markings and lithe, shapely form.

Kallisto purred. "The pleasure is mine." The captain nodded to her attache. "Briona, please see to it that Commander Javik and Lieutenant Vega are made welcome."

Eyes hooded with concern, Vega stepped protectively to Liara. "Do you want me to stay, Doc? I don't feel right just leaving you here."

He always seemed to handle her so gently. "That is not necessary James. You've both done more than I could have wished for. You deserve some rest. Please, go with Briona."

"And what of the Commander?" Javik demanded rather fiercely, glowering.

"I will get word to you – to both of you, as soon as I know more myself. Please, go get some rest." Liara pleaded, relieved when the two stepped to the side of Kallisto's aide.

She sighed as she watched them depart. She had driven herself to the point of exhaustion. Her body was sore and her leg was hot and abysmally heavy. Her brain felt foggy and slow. But her concern for Shepard had her nerves wound tight. Liara was glad they could rest, but she knew she couldn't – not now.

Kallisto shifted to her side and drew an arm around her. "Come with me. We can wait together." She ushered Liara through a pristine passageway to a small, quiet lounge nearby. Spying a plush sofa, the maiden collapsed onto it, reveling in the chance to sit down.

Her brow furrowed as she stretched her neck trying to ease the tension in her crest. "Thank you for taking us aboard, Val. I appreciate your willingness to stay with me, but I don't want to keep you from your duties."

"It's our pleasure, Liara. I'm just glad we can help. As to my duties – well, this is one of the perks of being the boss." The captain chuckled as she poured them both a drink. "I am fortunate to have an excellent crew. I trust them do what they do best and they trust me to stay out of the way."

"That sounds very much like something Shepard would say. I think you will like her very much. You have a great deal in common." Thinking back to their youthful days, she remembered that Kallisto had always wanted to be among the stars. Her old friend was adventurous, capable and tough – but kind and charming as well. She wanted to hear about Val's exploits over the last years, but she had more pressing questions at the moment. "When did Miranda come aboard? What happened?"

"We picked her up early in the fight and I'm grateful we did. She shared an abundance of excellent intel on the reapers that definitely gave us an edge. When you called, she filled me in on what she knew about the situation. Seems she's quite fond of you and the Commander. The woman wasted no time in advocating for you and mobilizing a response." Kallisto cocked an eye marking and grinned. "As to how she came to be here, I'll leave it to Miranda to tell her own tale."

"I'm relieved that she's here. If anyone can help Shepard now – it's Miranda." Liara's mind jumped to another subject, one she knew Shepard would be interested in. " What about the reapers? We know that the Crucible fired. We were caught in the pulse – but did it work?"

"Oh it worked. Knocked out our guidance thrusters long enough to keep us from making the relay with the rest of the fleet, and fried most of our navigation system – but the reapers are silent. My ship and crew were unharmed otherwise and we've confirmed that the relay is severely damaged. We've been monitoring sensors and tactical since the pulse emitted and we've found no evidence of any living reapers in the Sol system." Kallisto turned from her task, appraising her friend. "Your color isn't good, Liara. And... you have a nasty injury of your own. Tell me about you."

Liara leaned into the couch, rubbing her eyes. "We were part of Hammer. I was wounded trying to get to the beam in London."

Val handed her some fruit juice. "With Shepard?"

"Yes." Liara quickly filled the captain in, telling her about the beam, her injury and the search for the Commander. The telling was her undoing. She'd managed to keep herself together. But, she was nearing the end of her reserves. Her relief at seeing Miranda was rapidly being replaced by her worries for Shepard. She could feel the chrono ticking and there had been no word from the med bay. As she finished, her eyes were filled from exhaustion and anxiety.

Kallisto gently put an arm around her shoulders, her white ticked brow drawn with concern. "Shepard is more than your Commander. The two of you are bonded?"

"Yes." She wouldn't have denied it regardless, but she realized that her pheromones would have revealed it anyway. Liara rubbed her bloodshot eyes and sighed deeply, trying to remember the tranquility of the Presidium and how special she felt stealing those moments with her lover, instead of the ruin she had so recently witnessed.

"I had heard something about that possibility." The captain smiled warmly. "By all accounts Shepard is a remarkable woman – and a very lucky one as well."

"She is extremely remarkable, Val – but I wouldn't describe her as lucky at the moment." Liara swiped at her nose urging the stream threatening her lips to a halt.

"Oh, but she is." The observant officer handed her friend a dampened cloth from the nearby bar sink and leaned back. "The Commander wouldn't be here now if you hadn't gone to the Citadel. But, I don't need to tell you that. She's lucky because she has you, Liara."

"She would agree." Wiping her eyes and face, the maiden basked in the coolness of the cloth.

"Ah, then she's also an intelligent woman."

The two friends fell into a comfortable silence as Liara recomposed herself.

After what seemed forever, Miranda chimed the door and entered. Mercifully, she was her direct self. "Liara, you can see Shepard now for just a few minutes. She has extensive injuries to her head, chest and limbs, three penetrating wounds and numerous severe burns - all of which require immediate surgery."

Liara tried to steel herself before she asked, "What are her chances, Miranda?"

The operative shook her head, her eyes guarded. "Let's not try to place any odds on that for now, alright? She's semi-lucid and I know seeing you will make a difference."

The maiden's body felt heavy after sitting with Kallisto in the lounge. Getting up proved to be harder than she could imagine. Her leg was bound and swollen within the armor and the brace. Her muscles were stiff and weak. Without assistance it would have been a slow march to the triage unit.

Val waited outside as Miranda led her to Shepard's bedside, helped her onto a stool nearby and stepped back to give her privacy. Liara was used to blood. She'd killed. She'd seen the leavings of biotic explosions, firefights and battlefields, but she wasn't prepared for the amount of crimson that had spilled from Shepard in that treatment room.

She swooned into the low bedrail, its sudden coolness jolting her senses. She wanted to look up, but she was afraid. Then, Liara felt a cool, trembling hand draw along the side of her crest, a finger run through the tears washing her face. Only then did she look up.

"Shepard." She took the proffered hand and fought to smile. For her, only for her. Drawing herself up, the maiden found her eyes locked with her bondmate's. Intubated, the Commander could not speak, but Liara saw the pain and admiration in her blackened eyes and felt the longing tenderness of that subtle touch.

Taking Shepard's hand, she cradled it against her cheek. She drew a deep breath, trying to ward off the hurt. She thought about initiating a gentle meld, but quickly decided it wouldn't be wise. Instead, the maiden tried to focus her heart into her own eyes knowing that her lover would see it there.

With her free hand, she caressed a trail of undamaged skin on her bondmate's temple and tenderly traced the line of her bruised jaw. A tear rolled down the torn cheek and passed over Liara's knuckles. Looking deep into the stormy gray eyes she loved so much, she pressed her will into words. "I know you're tired, my love, but don't give up. Fight for me, Shepard. I'll be here when you wake."

Feeling a familiar thumb sweep over her freckled cheek, Liara raised their joined hands to her dark lips and kissed her lover's palm, then delicately placed it on the bed. She bent once more, still gazing into those wounded, weary eyes and brushed the incorrigible, dark hair from Shepard's forehead. The Commander managed a raspy sigh and closed her eyelids. Silently, Liara stood and left while she still had the strength to go.

Kallisto insisted that Liara have her wound checked and try to eat Her leg was swollen from overuse, but there was no sign of infection. The asari doctor simply re-dressed it, gave her another injection of pain reliever and discharged her. She commed Javik and James, checking in and updating them on Shepard. Then, the maiden picked at the first hot meal she'd seen in days, but the idea of actually swallowing any of it was unbearable.

"If you can't eat, you should at least try to rest," Val compelled her. "Let me take you to some quarters. You're exhausted, Liara."

At first, Liara resisted the idea, but Miranda told her as she left Shepard's side that the surgery would take several hours and assured her that she or Dr. Chakwas would contact her if there were any complications during the procedures. Knowing the operative would keep her word, she realized that she had to trust the professionals to do their best. She needed to take the respite while she could, so she relented.

Kallisto escorted her to a roomy cabin near her own on the bridge level, directly over the medical bay. It was some comfort to know that even if she couldn't be with Shepard through the next hours, at least she would be in proximity. So, she took advantage of a hot shower and crawled into the soft bed. Turning on her side, she looked out the room's viewport into a reaper-less starfield with thoughts of a recent conversation in her head.

"_I love you Shepard."_

"_I love you too, Liara."_

Sighing, the exhausted maiden wrapped her arms around the spare pillow and embraced sleep.


	7. Chapter 7: The Last Mile

Chapter Seven: The Last Mile

Someone had left her clean clothes and a cold breakfast. Upon waking, Liara hurried to dress, and though the food looked delicious, she barely tasted it in her haste to finish. Somewhat refreshed, her natural fortitude and resilience returned, but she felt her fears and concerns for Shepard descend as well. Consulting her omnitool, she discovered that she had slept nine standard galactic hours, nearly twice as long as usual. _"No word." _She panicked.

Frantically, she began to activate the comm link over the nightstand when she was interrupted by a door chime. "Enter!" She called out as she continued to fiddle with the keys on the interface.

Dr. Chakwas drifted in and sat on the bed next to her. The doctor looked tired, her usual brisk manner was tempered, but her eyes held warmth and deep affection. "The Commander is out of surgery. They took her to a room on the ward about an hour ago."

"_Nine hours." _Liara shuddered, feeling traitorous for sleeping while Shepard struggled for her life. "How is she? Can I go to her?"

"Yes, yes, Liara." Karin draped an arm around her shoulders. "But, she is not awake. The surgery itself went well and the Commander's injuries have been stabilized... but... " The doctor's eyes were downcast, her body tense as her words trailed off.

Liara felt the pulse in her temples surge and her crest tighten as she observed her friend and prompted her. "But, there's more."

"Yes. I'm afraid there is." Karin confirmed gently, her face drawn and grave. "But, I think it best to let Miranda tell you about it. She's with Commander Shepard now."

Liara dropped her chin to her chest, shut her eyes tightly and clenched the edge of the mattress in an effort to stop her body from trembling. This couldn't be good news. She felt herself unraveling, the fiber of her spirit violently torn with dread and the looming fear of losing her lover - again. "Will she wake up, Karin?"

Struggling bravely to be strong, she resented herself for feeling like a child. But, the constant ebb and flow of emotions were wearing her thin. She desperately needed the gravity of Shepard's presence – the solid strength of her arms, the love and desire of her light-drenched, colorful mind merging with her own as their bodies entangled, and the surety and protection of that incredible soul that had chosen to be part of her own. Her inner voice issued a plaintive plea. _Please don't leave me, Shepard!_

"When it comes to the Commander, I always choose to be optimistic." Dr. Chakwas's eyes were misted with sympathy as she studied the bereft maiden, her voice steady and kind. "No one can answer that with any certainty, Liara. She's stable for the moment. But her condition is still very critical. What I can say is that the she is breathing on her own and fighting to hold on." Gently gripping Liara's hand she continued cheerfully. "And, without a single doubt, the first thing the dear girl will look for when she opens her eyes again – is you."

Tremendously grateful for all the hours and energy this woman had gladly sacrificed to try to help them both, moved by the woman's selfless compassion and loyalty, Liara gathered her into her arms. "We owe you..."

"Nothing." Karin finished, gently pulling back, her slender hands resting on the asari's forearms. "I'm doing what I was trained to do - what I relish doing. For people I care very much for." Winking, she chuckled, as she softly patted the maiden's slick cheek. "Besides – our Commander owes me a bottle of Serrice Ice. You don't think for a second that I'll let that pass, do you?"

"I would hope not." Liara replied wistfully, vividly recalling the shared taste of brandy on Shepard's pliant lips and dancing tongue and her amused grin as she told the asari of the human doctor's affinity for strong drink. "You must be exhausted, Karin."

"Not really, but I could do with a bit more sleep. I managed to get a nap in here and there while Miranda and the surgeons worked. Once I get you to the Commander's room, I may go in search of some more beauty rest. We'll see." Despite herself she yawned delicately and rose to her feet. "Are you ready to go?"

The maiden could feel every nerve in her body, but as usual, Dr. Chakwas' cautious optimism and reassurance encouraged her to overcome her anxiety. She took a deep breath. "Yes. I am."

The pair entered the Commander's room a short time later to discover Miranda hovering at the bedside. Liara's fears engulfed her as she looked at Shepard. The spectre had a gray, drawn cast to her face that made her features appear waxy, severe and stark. Amidst a sea of bandages, the maiden could see that her hair had been cropped close to her head. Bristling behind her ear, a small drain was fixed to her scalp. And, there were tubes, casts and wires on and in nearly every portion of her body. It terrified the maiden to see her so still, so completely void of motion, so violated – so profoundly silent.

Her eyes began to stream liquid fire and her diaphragm heaved as she grappled with her breath. Liara covered her mouth. In agony, a hair's breadth from breaking down, she choked back a violent sob, "Is... is she... ?"

Clearly affected, Lawson glanced up, her face weary and flushed. "No! No, Liara. She's alive. It's just... well, she crashed a few minutes ago. She's in a coma, but, she's back... fighting and stable for the moment."

The maiden's eyes buzzed with dots of prickly light and her stomach clenched. A chair had been placed close to the Commander's head, so Liara claimed it quickly. She wanted – needed desperately to reach out and touch – had to find some way to anchor the maelstrom of terror within. A look of puzzlement graced her face as she struggled to find some skin clear of apparatus that she could reach. Settling on a patch above an IV tube, she lay her hand on it. Only a small island of hope on which to cling, but it was warm, she could feel Shepard's presence and it served to ground her.

Setting her jaw, she focused her watery gaze on Shepard's closed eyes and swallowed the dreadful lump in her throat. "I know there's more. Please... tell me."

Miranda's voice was equal parts concern and frustration as she detailed Shepard's condition to her. The Commander's injuries had been repaired, but she had lost a great deal of blood in her ordeal. The team used all of the modest supply Dr. Chakwas had brought from the Normandy during the hours they worked to save her and any surplus aboard the asari cruiser was limited to donors. Fortunately, Miranda was a match and had already donated what she could. They had used synthetics to get her through the surgery, but Shepard needed more of the real thing to heal. The repairs would be useless without it. The breaks to her skull, ribs and frame coupled with the compound fractures to her left humerus, and her previously impaled femur, meant her own body wouldn't be able to supply the demand quickly enough.

Liara's head hurt as she tried to process the facts. "What about her implants? They were working when we brought her here."

"Were - being the operative word." Miranda looked piqued, her eyebrows knotted and her lips tightly pursed. "But the analysis I just ran tells me otherwise. If her implants were running optimally her overall regeneration would increase exponentially, including blood production, but they're not. In fact, they're continuing to fail – rapidly."

"Then...this is it? There's nothing more anyone can do?" The asari was unnerved by her own question. Her face grew hot and her body listed precariously. She dropped her head struggling not to faint.

Not one to accept defeat, Miranda began to pace, head cocked, finger and thumb spread over her cheeks. Silence stretched as the woman mumbled to herself, considering options. Finally she hummed. "It's a long shot, but maybe...if we can find the resources...we still have a chance."

"What is it?" Liara looked up, the sudden movement making her head spin. At this point she was ready to try anything. They'd come so far, they'd given so much. Her stubborn nature and her breaking heart wouldn't allow her to surrender.

"If I can find the means to produce some nanites - and get them into her, they can repair the implants." The former operative looked confident.

Blood drained from the maiden's face, her response was immediate, visceral. "Do you mean like the reapers! Or, those monstrosities the Illusive Man produced?!" That was what Miranda's degenerate father was playing with on Horizon.

Lawson's gaze was direct, but gentle, her response collected, but adamant. "Not unless I'm a reaper or a monstrosity. The brand she needs – I invented. Shepard never has – and never will – be the recipient of any reaper tech if I can help it."

Liara recovered, immediately ashamed of her hasty outburst. She felt her face flush and lowered her streaming eyes. She apologized in a broken whisper. "I'm sorry, Miranda. I know you're doing everything you can. It's just that I know she wouldn't..."

"No worries." The operative graciously assured her as she stroked her long hair back, shrugging. "It's alright. You're only protecting her. As I would. We're on the same team, Liara - and I'll need your help to do it."

With new purpose, she pulled herself together and answered quickly, glad for the chance to actually do something to help the effort - to move, instead of sitting around waiting, worrying, feeling useless – crying relentlessly. "Of course."

She pushed at her tears with her sleeve and pulled up her omnitool. Thinking quickly, she contacted the Commander of the Nefrane and began doing one of the things she could do best – mobilizing resources and gathering information. Captain Kallisto and the medical crew were willing and able to accommodate their effort and were extremely generous with even limited supplies of critical components.

A short time later, the two scientists were situated in an unoccupied research lab that boasted an embarrassment of material and equipment. The Nefrane was primarily a warship, but it had often doubled as a research vessel during peacetime. Aside from being spacious and lethally armed, it was also well-equipped.

As Liara watched her companion begin to calibrate a high grade replicator, she had an epiphany. _You're the Shadow Broker – remember?_ Appalled with herself for forgetting about about the find she was about to reveal, she opened her omnitool display and began streaming an index of extremely valuable intel. "Miranda, I have some data that you will find interesting - I am certain."

Leaning close, Miranda's brows arched and her jaw dropped at the sight of several Lazarus Project data packets, complete with her own notes. "Where on earth did you find this?"

"Not on Earth - on Kronos Station. Actually, it was EDI who found it." The asari was pleased that she had something besides her numbering crunching ability to offer to their current task. "Truthfully, I just remembered it might be here. With all that has happened I hadn't had a chance to look at it. I don't know how complete it is, but I think at least some of the pertinent data is here."

The Australian released a delighted laugh that gave the maiden's spirits a very needed boost. "Liara – I could kiss you! This is exactly what I need!"

Feeling new promise for their task, the asari teased, "I'm sure that would be pleasant, Miranda. But, Shepard might be jealous."

Blushing just a bit, her eyebrow cocked and a fetching smile curving her full lips, the operative snorted playfully, "Only if you didn't let her watch."

She knew Miranda wasn't being serious, but unable to escape the image it brought to mind and grateful for a moment of levity, Liara felt her cheeks flush and actually laughed. "Well, there is that."

Even with the data Liara possessed the work was slow and tedious. Miranda built and tested several iterations of nanites trying to get the specific modifications and abilities she was looking for. It had been several hours, and the pair of researchers knew that Shepard didn't have any time to spare. The operative was becoming increasingly impatient with the failures when Liara suggested that instead of trying to build the whole organism, she simply use the ones in her own bloodstream to retool the right thing.

Miranda did actually hug her after that. "Yes." She smiled setting to the task again. "With any luck, they will integrate with the ones already swimming around in there and reprogram them as well."

Working diligently, they manufactured a new batch. "There. I think - that'll do it." Miranda dabbed at the beads of sweat over her lip and held up a vial of opalescent fluid.

"You're a genius, Ms. Lawson." Liara was tired and anxious to get back to Shepard, but she was impressed. "Do you think this will work?"

"For the record, we're both geniuses, Dr. T'Soni. I couldn't have done this without you. We make a formidable team." The woman stood to her full height and stretched. "And yes, I think it has a very good chance of working. Let's go give it a try, shall we?"

They arrived in Shepard's room to find Dr. Chakwas napping, her feet perched against the rail of the bed. Liara almost hated to wake her, but approached and gently rubbed her shoulder. "Dr. Chakwas?"

The woman woke easily. "Hmm...Liara, Miranda – I trust you were successful."

"We hope so." Miranda sighed as she swiftly moved to the bedside and added the nanites to the IV drip. Gracefully, she stepped aside to let the maiden close to the Commander.

Liara trained her eyes on Shepard and leaned on the bedrail, her eyes rapt in her bondmate's face. "How is she, Karin?"

The doctor's eyes were tense as she stepped up, busying herself with rearranging tubes and checking bandages. "Not well. We've been through several episodes since you left. They're gaining in intensity and arriving at closer intervals each time. It's becoming more difficult for her to recover with every occurrence. Let's just hope these little wonders do their job."

They'd gone the last mile and there was no more that they could do now but wait. Liara dropped into the bedside chair and reached to tenderly stroke the visible skin on Shepard's arm. She wanted to pray, but she wasn't sure who she would pray to. Athame had proven to be a prothean benefactor, not a goddess. She swore by her, not from belief, but from habit, and the concept of Siari was cold comfort in these circumstances.

She pulled out the dogtags Shepard had reverently placed around her neck the night Thessia fell, and gently ran her thumb over the surface of the worn St. Jude medal that had been in the Commander's family for three generations. She wasn't sure that what she was doing was praying, but it soothed her tired mind and made her feel connected to Shepard and the people she held dear. For now, that was enough.


	8. Chapter 8: The Cost of Love

Chapter Eight: The Cost of Love

Hours passed with no change in the Commander's condition. Liara managed to remain calm for some time, but she was worn and soon became impatient with meditation and stillness. She began to pace incessantly - limping, aching, rubbing Shepard's medal between her trembling fingers until it glistened in the darkened room. As time wore on – so did her serenity. With every dart of her gaze to her lover's broken, utterly still body she felt her soul fragment. With every episodic crash Shepard suffered through, her spirits fell. Phantom pain afflicted her and her emotional resources came to be deadly thin. Her mind began to spin as she kept her vigil.

The windswept scape of Alchera invaded her thoughts. She remembered how pristine, how perversely pure, the snow looked heaped on the icy remains of the Normandy as she searched fruitlessly for Shepard's body and how completely filthy – how abjectly dirty and wretched she felt inside as she left Omega. Somehow recovering the dogtags in her hands had kept her going. She'd been so grateful just to possess some little thing that meant something to Shepard. Swiping her thumb over the pure silver icon of "lost causes", she remembered the last glimpse she saw of that same body as she handed her over to Miranda the first time.

There had been no hope in the crumbling morbid remains, no breath, no trace of indwelling at all - just a mockery of who had once lived inside. Liara had hardened herself to the fact that this was only a last ditch effort that might or might not work, made bitter by the fact that it was Cerberus that offered that slim chance. And, even if tech could reanimate the body, would it really be Shepard's soul that inhabited it?

She left the shell of her lover with Miranda, and turned away feeling hollow, as empty as the casket the alliance had buried. She made herself let go, tried to make herself walk away. Somehow she couldn't. The conventional wisdom of her people was no help, no comfort. But, Liara was no more a conventional asari than Shepard was a conventional human. They shared a relationship of kindred spirits and it had left an indelible mark on the maiden in the short time they'd had together.

She mourned, she turned to revenge, violence, manipulation, tedious work, long hours and even a strong drink now and then to escape her darkest nights, to fill the black hole in her heart. Misery and loneliness were her only constant companions. Though her objectives remained just, her methods quickly succumbed to the rage and grief of her baser instincts. She became a thing she reviled - until Shepard came back.

When the spectre stepped into her office in Nos Astra, there was no mistaking the singular presence of her lover for anyone else. The too brief, tremulous first touch, the fleeting kiss she had allowed herself, endowed her with a profound knowing that refused to be ignored. Though she tried desperately, the dejected, damaged maiden could summon no resistance to the persistent magnitude of light Shepard cast on her stained, scarred heart. Somehow the real Shepard had returned.

She'd wanted to guard her emotions, protect her vulnerability, stay safely in the numb, excessively busy existence she'd carved out on Illium. But the Commander's enduring devotion, bright presence and unconditional love demolished every defense she had in place, rescuing her lost soul, restoring her sense of self, her integrity and purpose. Her lover was a force of nature – a rare combination of cleansing fire and cool, soothing water wrapped in a mortal frame. At every possible turn after, Shepard's presence grounded her, gave her solace when she was lost or lonely, protected her body and her heart, and through it all the spectre simply loved her and stubbornly refused to ever stop.

_Promise you'll always come back to me. _It had been unfair to ask that of Shepard. Liara knew it even as the words passed her lips. But in that moment she needed the reassurance, and her lover had done her best to give it to her. As the war heated up and every situation became more desperate than the last, she came to understand that what she wanted was not something within her Commander's power to pledge.

Shepard belonged to the Alliance, to the council, to the entire galaxy. The beleaguered spectre would move heaven and earth to keep her promise but the only vow she could truly make was to try, and Liara knew - that even now, as she paced and imploded - Shepard was trying. Anyone else would have already given up, yielding to the severe wounds, insufferable pain, overwhelming grief, and the sheer volume of physical and mental resources the devastating war had demanded of her.

Another hour, then another, then three more. Crash, fight, survive. Crash, fight, survive...

During what passes for night on a starship, Miranda and Dr. Chakwas dozed in chairs nearby, alternating turns at testing Shepard's blood, checking virtual displays and scanning for improvement - both jumping into the fray with each crisis. But, there was still no indication that the nanites were working as they should.

Liara gazed again at the still form in the bed. Crash, fight, survive. The unjust intractability of her lover's condition was slowly killing them both. Nerves electrified, mind on fire, Liara wanted to scream, to run away – she wanted - _her mother?_

The maiden's desperate thoughts grasped for a distant memory. Benezia T'Soni had been an early casualty of the reaper incursion. Her death had been untimely and cruel for such a wise, kind soul. Liara grieved that Shepard had not been privy to her mother's true character, her loving nature. She had never witnessed the regal matriarch's beauty as she swept into a room clad in one of her many flowing yellow dresses, or her love for the wild things of Thessia, including the child she called "Little Wing".

Liara recalled a day during her adolescence when she had gone out to the rookeries of seabirds at the edge of her mother's estate in Armali. She had climbed the cliffs facing the beach to observe the hatchlings and map the nests situated in the rocky caverns. But, the radiant light of Parnitha and the lapping waves of the coast beckoned her to swim and she dove into the crystal water of a deep tidepool instead, reveling in the coolness of the water and the wonder of the day. Upon surfacing, she heard her mother's rich voice a short distance away and realized that Benezia had brought her acolytes out of the estate for an informal class.

The matriarch often let the acolytes guide the conversation, patiently listening to their complaints and struggles and letting them pose questions of their own design. Curious, Liara crested the sparkling dune separating them. Trekking quietly, she unobtrusively made her way to her mother's side and curled up next to her in the warm sand, content to be close and listen.

The group had been asking about navigating relationships. So, the matriarch imparted the traditional teachings of maidenhood, encouraging them to experiment, to enjoy the freedom of youth. Her followers were elated with that advice and became restless, perhaps in their eagerness to go forth and practice said advice. Sensing this, Benezia excused them and they immediately drew away, laughing and giggling, off to their own pursuits.

Liara sat quietly next to her mother, thinking about what she had heard. Something about it didn't satisfy her and the more she thought about it, the less satisfied she became.

"_Mother," she asked, all scraped knees and bright eyed innocence, "just melding with someone doesn't mean that you love them, does it?"_

_Benezia took her daughter's hand, and with a gleam of pride in her face, laughed heartily. "When did you get to be so insightful?" Putting her arm around the youngling's shoulders, she drew her closer, caressing her freckles and answered. "No, it certainly does not."_

_Looking into the sapphire depths of the experienced, soft eyes studying her, Liara asked, "Then, tell me. What is love? What does it mean to love someone?"_

_The matriarch sighed deeply and looked to the calm waters of the sea, pondering, gathering her thoughts, clearly seeking the right words. Her eyes carried echoes of a distant pain as she returned her gaze to her only child. "Wise ones have been seeking the answer to that for eons, Liara. I can only tell you what I know, or perhaps – think, I know." _

_Drawing a deep breath, she held her daughter to her bosom. "No science can explain it, but I believe it is the most powerful force in the universe. Once it is given and returned it has a life of its own, an eternal cycle or rhythm that makes existence, life itself, more than the sum of its parts. It is its own reward. Yet for all of its power, it is an elusive thing. One can find it, but not by seeking. You can only get it by dropping the barriers within that keep it out or imprison it." _

_Liara was transfixed by her mother's words and leaned into the arms around her as the matriarch continued prophetically, "When the time comes that you truly love someone, when you choose to bond, there will be no end to it for you. No length you will not go to to keep it. It will sustain and consume you - it will be more more precious than all of the platinum in all of the galaxies combined. It will take all of your patience and sacrifice and wisdom. It demands the fiber of your soul. It will completely alter your being." _

_Regarding her beautiful child, Benezia kissed her temple and softly whispered, "If you ever choose to love, choose well – choose wisely. Because when you choose someone, and they choose you, the only way to keep it – is to stay with that one you love, having faith that they will make the same choice as well – and then to remain steadfast to that choice every day thereafter. The only end to love is to walk away." Sighing softly, the tall asari stood, brushed the sand from her dress and offered her daughter a hand up as she finished with a sad, but amused smile. "And sometimes... even that doesn't work."_

It was on that day, that young Liara T'Soni vowed to herself that she would put the day of any such choice off for as long as she could. Love sounded like a terrible beauty – an astonishingly difficult, miraculously wonderful, fragile – yet impossibly strong, very, very dangerous thing.

Her reverie was broken by the pounding intensity of her own heartbeat and the sharp halt to the punctuation of her own footsteps as her pacing ceased. She'd very abruptly come to the end of herself and she broke down. Her eyes and her heart burned with exhaustion and anxiety, her fevered blood threatened to burst her bones at the marrow.

Facing the viewport with a net of glimmering stars, Shepard's comatose form was outlined by the inky velvet of space. The uninvited vision of a pyre under that frame ignited in her mind's eye. Enraged, she lashed out at it, splintering the nightmare into a million razor sharp shards. She clutched her burning chest, hot tears angrily pouring over her face, rushing down her neck, streaming between her breasts. Staring into the darkness, she unleashed her defiance on the universe, screaming - pleading.

_I will not run! I chose Shepard and she chose me! I love her and she loves me! We are bonded – we are one! To save this wretched, thankless galaxy, she has sacrificed herself, her desires, her dreams, her life – time and again! She has never asked for anything back, never once complained. She has done what she was born to do, and she has done it well! Perhaps I am selfish and undeserving, but she isn't. So whoever, whatever you are out there – give her back! She deserves to live. Don't take her away from me! Don't let this be the end! It's too soon... too soon..._

Could a person die of a broken heart? Liara found herself doubled over her knees on the floor, gasping for breath, drenched in sweat and tears, racked with anguish and uncontrollable pain. Her head pulsed with heat, her chest felt run though with a sharp blade, her whole body convulsed in a quaking, sobbing, pathetic heap. She'd tried to keep it in, but she just couldn't take anymore. _Goddess, if this is it – just take me too!_

A cool hand, wielding a cold cloth came to her rescue. "Liara!" She heard the frantic voice of Dr. Chakwas bending over her. "Miranda, help me. We need to get her up! Hurry! Into that chair quickly!"

The maiden felt the women gently lift her. Trying to find the strength to get up, her knees buckled. As they eased her into the chair, a monitor alarm on Shepard's bed began to clamor, then another joined its droning buzz, then another. Curling herself into a fetal position, Liara clutched her head trying to drown out the dire cacophony. Pulling herself in tighter, she shrugged Karin's hands off, unable to stop crying, gasping for breath, senseless. Her auditory chamber reeled with a sound like rushing water from a breaking dam. She couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't go on. Sparks erupted in the veil of her brain and mercifully, she blacked out.

Liara awoke to find that she was stretched out on a cot in Shepard's now quiet room. Gingerly, she sat up and tried to get her bearings. Her throat was dry, her head felt cottony, her eyes were grainy and sore.

She felt an arm around her, a hand massaging her back. She greedily took a proffered drink of water. "Do think you can stand?" Karin asked gently, her face serene.

Unsure of her faint legs, she tested them cautiously, and began to rise, her body still trembling from the crisis she'd endured. Her voice quivered. "I can." She stated it as fact, but as she stood she felt weak. She was at a loss as to the sense of time, disoriented. But, it didn't matter.

"Good girl," Dr. Chakwas encouraged, guiding her numbed body to Shepard's bed. "There's someone you need to see, I believe."

Latching onto the bedrail to lend her support, the maiden dared to look at the prone body on it, expecting the worst, afraid.

The Commander turned her head, her face beginning to glow with touches of pink, the vile tube absent from her mouth. Her bruised eyes sparkled as she spoke her first words in a sighed, hoarse whisper and flashed a tired smile. "Liara."

It was like honeyed nectar to the asari maiden. Liara's hands flew to her flushing face as rivulets rained from her eyes. "Shepard!" she heaved, sobbing, "Goddess, Shepard, I..." She didn't know what to say. The only thing she knew was that she needed to feel her lover, her skin hungered for touch, her body vibrated with the need for connection.

Shepard lifted her good arm in invitation and the relieved asari rushed to fill it. Mindful of the tubes and bandages, Liara gently lay her head in the crook of her lover's shoulder and wept. She felt the sweep of her lover's thumb as she wiped the tears away, her own eyes damp from the struggle she endured.

"I got better. I kept my promise." The spectre hummed soothingly as she stroked the freckles on the maiden's wet cheeks.

Raising her chin, Liara drank in her bondmate's marred, wonderful face and the light in her bright, hungry eyes. Reaching up she traced the pink scar through her eyebrow with a featherlight touch, her blue eyes wide in wonder.

"You did." She whispered, not trusting her own voice. She swallowed hard, trying to think of what Shepard would want to know and looked down in thought. "The fleet, the Normandy are gone. The reapers are dead. Reports in the system..."

"... can wait." The Commander finished softly. Tenderly tracing her jaw and lifting her face, she brushed her fingertips across Liara's dark lips and continued. "The galaxy... the Alliance.. the Normandy... they can all wait. They've had me long enough. Right now, all that matters is you. Right now, I'm all yours. Just be here with me, okay?"

"Okay... " She peered into her lover's gentle eyes and unable to resist, stroked the soft bit of dark hair sprouting on her forehead. "I want that more than anything." Carefully, she wriggled as much of her body onto the bed as she could manage.

Shepard held her close, caressing her face, her back, her neck, her crest. The touch was soothing, warm and tender. Liara luxuriated in it, she couldn't get close enough. It was so good, so right. She felt like she had traveled a million miles and finally come home.

Resting together, rapt in their awareness of each other, they held on in silence, their minds famished, tentatively reaching for each other. The Commander cocked her eyebrow and turned to her lover. "Why don't you come in for awhile?"

Beaming, Liara looked to Karin and Miranda, who were quietly watching the reunion, both a bit misty-eyed, grinning like a pair of happy thieves. Miranda crossed her arms and glanced at Chakwas, nodding her dark-maned head. The silver-haired doctor sighed indulgently, waved at them and snorted gently. "Oh, do go ahead, never let it be said that we would stand in the way of true love."

Reaching out Karin gripped Shepard's arm gently, smiling impishly and teased. "Just don't be at it too long. You both need rest - soon." Beckoning to the operative, she called. "Miranda dear, I think we deserve a drink. I just happen to have a bottle of..." her voice trailed into the passageway as they padded off to their reward.

The lovers wasted no time. Liara gently pressed her lips to Shepard's and delicately murmured, "Embrace eternity." Color, emotion and warmth swirled around her as her lover welcomed her in, their thoughts merging, shining like quicksilver.

"_I've missed you so much, Liara."_

"_Goddess, I've missed you too Shepard."_

"_You are incredible, amazing, beautiful - and very, very tired I see. How's the leg?"_

"_It's healing... but, I'm more worried about you."_

_She heard chuckling. "I'll live. Thanks to you. You're amazing."_

"_You've mentioned that before...but I like it. And, for the record, I had considerable help."_

"_You did. We have exceptional friends. But you kept your promise."_

"_Always Shepard. I'm just glad you could too."_

Liara felt the Commander's mind beginning to tire so she very carefully began to withdraw, but Shepard's thoughts tugged at her.

"_Wait..don't go yet. I have to ask you something."_

"_Okay, but then you need to rest."_

"_Is this the beginning of 'after'?"_

_The lilting, delightful music of the asari's laughter echoed in their joined minds, "I believe so, yes."_

Carefully, the maiden unwrapped them from the meld, nuzzled her lover gently, and kissed her lips sweetly. Tucking her crest back into the nook of Shepard's arm, she sighed in contentment, "I love you, Shepard."

"I love you too, Liara." The spectre told her tenderly, pressing a kiss to her temple, her fingertips tracing and retracing the maiden's face and throat. Then, chuckling softly, she added. "And, before you ask... yes, you can count on me showing you just how much as soon as I'm physically able."

Liara felt alive again and it felt good. Smiling, she closed her eyes, lay her head on Shepard's shoulder, safely enfolded in the spectre's good arm, listening to her steady heartbeat, and waited for every day after to truly begin.

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A/N - To all of you wonderful folks who have favorited, followed, and especially to those who have graciously reviewed - thank you. I have one more chapter to post. A prologue of sorts for the story I am working on to follow Blue Grit. I'm planning to post it on the weekend. Hope you've enjoyed the ride!


	9. Chapter 9: Wide Awake

Chapter Nine: Wide Awake

Liara stayed camped in the Commander's room during her recovery. As the nanites worked and Miranda tweaked the now fully functional implants - medical devices, tubes and plastisteel casts began to disappear and the bandages became thinner, covering fewer areas of the spectre's body. Soon, the Commander was able to get out of bed and go for short therapeutic walks down the passageways. For a time, Shepard and Liara settled into a routine that was comforting and serene as the spectre began to heal and regain her strength.

This of course, included visitors. Vega and Javik stopped in frequently. The stodgy prothean revealed that he had acquired an unhealthy obsession with maps and complained that James had developed an equally unhealthy obsession with the asari crew. But Vega never mentioned the crew as he chatted, he just seemed satisfied to make the couple smile at his antics and tall tales. _Funny, the man talked a lot – but never revealed much about himself. _

Their most frequent companion was Dr. Chakwas. Karin was a rock – steady, encouraging and as wise as a matriarch. She often brought meals and sat with Liara, encouraging Shepard to eat. They talked about nearly everything but most often it all centered around life on the Normandy. Through the weeks that passed, no word came from either the Commander's crew or the Allied Fleets. They all worried. But, Kallisto was certain that the ships had all made it through the Charon Relay before it had been damaged by the pulse. The thought was comforting, and Liara wondered how long it would be before they would hear from the fleet or see their friends again.

Kallisto often stopped in as she made rounds of her ship. When she visited, the two asari friends spent time catching up on their lives. Liara told her about her research, how she came to be on the Normandy and how she had fallen in love with Shepard. In turn, Val recounted her climb to the top as the youngest asari starship commander in recorded history.

Shepard listened attentively, occasionally adding a dry comment or injecting a clarification. Frequently the topic turned to shipmates, travel or military science and the trio would engage in lively conversations about their exploits, often resulting in laughter. Liara was pleased that the spectre and her old friend seemed to enjoy each others' company. Truthfully, she'd been worried that one or the other, or both, might be jealous. But, her fears were unfounded. In a short time, the two were bantering like old comrades.

Liara had always admired Val's drive, talent and good nature. The two were best friends at the University of Serrice. In fact, she had been one of the maiden's only friends. They had been close, but never intimate. It fascinated her that the more time she spent with Kallisto and Shepard together, the more she realized that in a very real way, their youthful friendship had provided a template that allowed her to trust, then fall in love with the spectre. The deep, rich soul-bond between the lovers was all of their own making and their own choosing – but her old friend's earlier affection and character had set a benchmark.

Val made sure to keep them apprised of current events as well. The industrious captain sent ground teams in to survey the damage to the Citadel and to make contact on Earth. She usually had news, but not much of it was all that good. There had been some survivors on the Citadel and they had been safely evacuated to Earth.

However, the Council was missing. There was talk that they were rescued during the fighting between Cerberus and the reapers - but their whereabouts remained a mystery. The bodies of Admiral Anderson and one Jack Harper had been recovered. But, no one knew for certain what had happened on the Citadel Tower. _Goddess, what had Shepard been through up there? She still hasn't said a word about it. _

Earth was a chaotic mess. The entire infrastructure was in complete disarray with widespread pirating and looting in the major cities and outlying areas. Threatened with shortages of food, medicine and supplies, violence and disease had taken hold. Asari teams reported that remaining Alliance personnel were doing their best to regain order, but they desperately needed support from the fleet. Kallisto tried to help as much as she could, but their own numbers were not such that the asari could provide long-term, significant relief. The reapers were defeated, but the people of Earth and the allies left behind were suffering greatly.

Miranda was often in the room, sometimes to care for the Commander, but just as often to sit and reminisce. As cocky and icy as the operative could be, she could be just as self-deprecating and warm, and her composure and confidence boosted their spirits. During the early days of their acquaintance on Omega, Liara hadn't liked her very much at all, but she'd always respected the operative. They both were devoted to Shepard, albeit, in very different ways. As disparate as they were, the two had actually forged a friendship over the course of the war and cemented it in the hours they spent together keeping watch over the sentinel. Shepard was mildly amused that the joke between them was that they'd both spent a great deal of time waiting on the Commander to wake up.

One afternoon, as the operative was running tests and checking her patient, Shepard encouraged her to stay for a while. "Pull up a rock, Miranda." The spectre grinned, cautiously swinging her legs to the side of the bed and sitting up. "You know, you never did tell us how you got here."

"That was intentional, Shepard." The operative commented dryly, as she stretched and then seated herself next to the bed. She looked down and Liara noticed that her ears had taken on a rosy pink glow at the mention of the topic.

The asari perched next to the spectre and glanced at the blushing woman with a half smile. "You did tell me that you would 'happily share it' when I first saw you aboard."

Licking her lips, the embarrassed operative told them her story of getting to the Nefrane. Early in the battle, her rogue Cerberus squadron had been tasked with whittling away at the swarms of occulus plaguing the fleet. Apparently, her impulse control had gone to war with her genetically perfect brain, creating the perfect storm for a self-inflicted crisis. During the fight, she broke from her squadron to interdict an occulus that had broken toward a turian frigate over Luna. Spying another headed for her, she strafed it - but, she pulled up too quickly in the wake of the gunfire and succeeded in riddling her own engine with ammo. She still managed to take out the stray, but had to eject to avoid the impending crash. A pilot from one of the Nefrane's fighters witnessed the calamity and rescued her near the site of the old Tranquility Base. When the asari sortie returned, Kallisto quickly put her talents to use running tactical assessments and assisting with strategy and comms.

As she finished telling her tale, Liara glanced to the doorway and noticed her good friend Kallisto practically mesmerized by the operative's presence. She watched as Val's emerald eyes softened, drinking in Miranda's animated, lovely face and attractive body. Quietly, she stepped into the room.

"Captain Kallisto." Miranda nearly purred, her tone soft and low upon the asari officer's approach. As the operative spoke, Liara noticed the slight toss to her hair, the dilation of her clear eyes and the slight tremble in her posture. The woman positively sparked with raw sexual charisma.

"Ms. Lawson." Kallisto nodded respectfully, blue thumbs tucked in her belt, lips drawn in a dazzling smile, clearly caught in the maelstrom of the operative's energy.

Liara looked at them fondly, as did Shepard, who wore a bemused expression at the overt looks and body language the two were displaying. Clearly unable to contain her own impulses, the spectre roguishly winked at the maiden in acknowledgment of their shared observations. Liara nearly burst with delight, covering her mouth to obscure her amusement.

Miranda had already been blushing as she told the couple about her adventure, but her face reddened further as she tried to stand and retreat from the room. "I should go." She spoke a bit too firmly and blushed an even deeper shade of red as she took her first step and promptly tripped over her own feet trying to get to the hatchway.

Gallantly, Kallisto reached out and steadied her with a firm grip, Miranda's hand coming to rest on the Captain's bare arm as she recovered. Their eyes locked, and the pair stood momentarily lost in each other. Val gently, but reluctantly released her and cast her gaze to her own booted feet. "I can come back later, if this is inconvenient."

The operative recovered and strode to the hatch. "Um, thank you, Captain. That won't be necessary, I need to... check... on a few things." Her glance stole to the amused bondmates as she continued, speaking rapidly, her breath quick. "I should process the Commander's blood work, do some charting. So, I'll just be on my way. Um, Shepard, we'll see about getting you out of here. Maybe tomorrow." Gracefully this time, she pivoted, "I'll check back with you in the morning." Then, darting one last smoldering glance at the asari captain, she departed.

Val's eyes followed the operative's every movement until she was out of sight. Turning to Shepard, she grinned sheepishly. "I don't know how you were able to resist those particular charms."

Liara reached out and slapped the captain's shoulder, laughing at her normally elegant friend's misfire.

Looking chagrined, Kallisto rolled her eyes at them and continued, speaking to Shepard, but smiling pointedly at Liara. "Oh yeah, by then you had succumbed to this one's staggering beauty, overwhelming grace and intimidating brilliance."

"I most certainly had." Shepard told her, twining her fingers with Liara's, raising them and soundly kissing her wrist. "Among many other qualities. And, I wouldn't have it any other way. But, Miranda is certainly attractive, incredibly intelligent and very special, not to mention about a thousand degrees warmer since those days." The Commander leveled her gaze at Kallisto and warned her gently, smiling amiably. "Just don't break her heart. She's a kick-ass biotic as well. And – charms or not, I _am_ rather fond of her."

Kallisto glanced to the empty doorway, apparently hoping for a return visit from the operative and sighed heavily. "Any idea how many hearts _she_ has broken."

Liara chuckled at the perplexed look on Val's white striped face. "None at all. Miranda keeps her feelings close. But if I were to guess I'd say at least a hundred, give or take a few."

The ship captain snorted, " As if I have a chance anyway!" Poor Val was unmistakably besotted.

Shepard arched an eyebrow and laughed as Liara gripped her friend's arm, huffing delicately. "Judging from the little display we just witnessed, I'd wonder if you had a choice!"

The spectre leaned toward the Captain, advising her. "I bet you have a nice bottle of Thessia Red around here someplace. Take it and go have a little chat with her. I'm pretty sure you have an excellent chance."

"Did you need that bottle of wine?" Val asked Shepard, her white brows pinched.

Liara glanced at Shepard with a rather wanton look in her eyes and replied huskily in a drawn breath, "She did not. I was already completely, thoroughly intoxicated."

Shepard discreetly reached back and gently traced a soft fold on Liara's neck, sensually pinching it as her fingers came together. The connection made the maiden's chest hot and she couldn't keep herself from flushing and bending to her lover to slide a less than chaste kiss on her pink lips. The effect was immediate. Shepard returned an almost predatory look to her bondmate, her eyes raptor-hooded, hungry and growled softly.

"Goddess. I've got to get you guys a real room." Kallisto complained, frustration growing on her face. "Any of my crew sees this and I'll have to cut off the hot water supply on the ship. If Miranda lets you out tomorrow, why don't you take those quarters on my deck? The suite you stayed in the first night, Liara."

The maiden recovered from her momentary lapse in decorum and blushed a lovely lilac color. "Sorry. It's just... well, been awhile," she apologized as she cleared her throat and narrowed her eyes playfully at Shepard's smug grin. "That's very kind of you, Val. Those are really very nice quarters. Are you sure it's no trouble?"

"For my dear friend and the savior of the galaxy, it's no trouble at all. Besides, the bulkheads are doubled and insulated. I've got a feeling you two are gonna need that. Lovesick pyjacks have nothing on you two!"

Liara responded by laughing and throwing a pillow at the Captain's head, which she neatly caught. Then Val straightened and shot the Maiden and her bondmate a genuine smile. "It's really good to see you happy, Liara. You, Commander, are a very lucky woman."

Gazing at Liara, Shepard settled her arms around her and pulled her close, her breath warm on the asari's skin and drawled. "Yes. I am."

Sighing, Kallisto ambled toward the door. "She said you were smart, guess it's true." Shrugging her sculpted shoulders, she cleared the hatchway. "Well, maybe it's time to see if I'm as lucky as you are, Shepard. Think I'll go see about that bottle of wine. And, maybe see if a certain very attractive woman would like to – hmm – chat."

Leaning into her lover, Liara called to her friend fondly, "We wish you both the best, Val."

Waving over her back as she swaggered out, the Captain replied, "That's what I'm going for!"

As they readied for bed later that night, Liara observed her lover closely. Shepard's health had begun to blossom, but since she'd regained consciousness, she was restless, even in her sleep. There had been many nights when Liara watched as the spectre seemed to struggle, wrestling with some phantom in her dreams. The Commander smiled and laughed during the waking hours, but Liara caught the haunted looks she tried to hide and knew the spectre was troubled.

She was patient, believing that eventually her lover would reveal what lie beneath it all when she was ready. Shepard had long before given her permission to enter her mind at will and she probably wouldn't have resisted if Liara had pressed, but she didn't offer the dark streak up - so the maiden didn't pry. That trust meant a great deal to the asari and she refused to do anything that might jeopardize it or make her lover feel that it had been ill placed. So, Liara kissed her lover goodnight and crawled into her little cot, fervently hoping this would be the last night they spent in separate beds.

The next morning, Dr. Chakwas stopped by early to assess her patient for discharge. After scanning the Commander, performing one more blood test, and checking her tender, but fundamentally healed wound sites, she wrapped the formerly impaled leg with a light bandage and pronounced the spectre fit to leave the infirmary.

"Alright," Karin began, silver head cocked, arms crossed, her voice couched in a brook-no-nonsense tone, "I have some rather strong medical advice for you, Commander. And... I expect you to follow it... to the letter." She smiled at Liara, then directed a stern gaze at the spectre. "Your body is healing very nicely, but it's still fragile. You're not completely well. So, please, if for no other reason than my sanity, bear this in mind as you exert yourself. Take it slowly, Shepard. Don't run out of here and spar with Lieutenant Vega, or begin pushing yourself to work out with the commandos."

"Yes. Ma'am." Shepard flashed her a charming smile. "You know me."

"Yes." The doctor chuckled, her expression softening. "I do know you. That's why I'm releasing you into Dr. T'Soni's capable hands. You _will _listen to her. I trust her good sense in this - far more than your own."

Liara giggled at the look of mock disappointment that crossed Shepard's face. Bending to the human's ear, the asari reassured her coyly, "Don't worry, Commander. I'm certain that we can agree on some alternative activities that will be, um, stimulating."

Shepard blushed as she replied, "Yes, Doctor."

"Good. That's what I like to hear." Karin crowed, amused at their antics. "I'd hate to have to put Commander Javik in place as your keeper."

Putting her arm around Liara, the spectre quipped, "I'd hate that too."

"I expect you to comm me if you have any discomfort or pain, Commander. And, I'll be checking in on you from time to time. So, do try to behave yourself." Dr. Chakwas gave them each a fond hug and prepared to leave. As she started to depart, Liara's curiosity got the better of her. "Karin, where is Miranda? She told us yesterday that she planned to stop in too."

Brows drawn together in puzzlement, the doctor shrugged. "I'm not certain where Ms. Lawson is off to this morning. She commed me early to say that she'd had a late night on the command deck. Odd though, she didn't really say what was going on." She turned at the hatch before exiting. "I'll try to reach her later. See you both soon."

Shepard dissolved into laughter, pulling Liara into her arms. "Do you think... that, maybe...?"

"Goddess, I hope so. I don't think either of them could have taken much more." Liara smiled, her eyes luminous. "And, I can't either. How about we break you out of here, Commander?"

Shepard flashed a bright smile, "Well, I can't argue with doctor's orders, right?"

Feeling the spectre's eyes on her body, she bent at the waist and coyly looked over her shoulder as she retrieved the Alliance BDUs stashed in her bag. "No, Commander, you can't."

Shepard dressed quickly, clearly happy to be on her way. Liara, fighting the impulse to just get her lover to their quarters, took the time to show the Commander around the impressive ship. After a whirlwind tour of the commando's training galleries and the command deck, they stopped in the crew's mess to see Vega, who was elated that the Commander was out and was entertaining himself by conducting an impromptu poker game with several asari crew members. The pair planned to see Javik as well, so Shepard commed him. When he answered, he simply wished her well, informed her that he was busy and that, unless this were an emergency – he would contact her later. Shrugging they made their way to their appointed quarters.

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	10. Chapter 10: Beneath the Scars

Chapter 10: Beneath the Scars

Liara was relieved when she and Shepard finally opened the hatch to their suite and stepped in, blissfully alone with one another. Upon entry, the spectre limped to the bed and sat down with a sigh. As the maiden began to stow the gear from the carryall she'd hauled from the Normandy, she observed her unexpectedly quiet bondmate.

Shepard's head was hung in her hands, elbows leaned into her knees, her back slumped pensively. Liara eased next to her, resting her crest on the spectre's shoulder and reached out to rub her back. The spectre welcomed her company, pulling her close, kissing her freckled cheek, her gray eyes half-lidded.

Liara smiled gently. Her intuition was on high alert, realizing that the sentinel had been waiting for them to be alone. "How are you doing, Shepard?"

"Honestly." Knitting her brows tightly, little furrowed lines webbed from the corners of the spectre's eyes and her lips compressed into a grim smile as she glanced to the maiden. "I don't know. I wanted to handle this on my own. Thought I could work through it."

Cupping the tension filled jaw, Liara brushed the soft skin with her fingertips, observing the mix of emotion in her bondmate's face – admiration, always love, but beneath it were layers of suffering. The asari drew a deep breath, drawing her fingers meaningfully to the spectre's temples. "Shepard, are you in pain?"

Sighing, the sentinel turned her head and directed her steady gaze into the maiden's eyes. "Not doing a very good job of hiding it, am I?"

"Maybe from everyone else, but never from me." Liara assured her as she pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Carefully, she embraced her perplexed lover and pulled her to the mattress, face to face, their bodies close. As they settled, the asari cradled the spectre and asked gently. "Are you ready to talk to me?"

"Liara. You know that I don't ever want to hide anything from you. But, this... this is ugly. Worse than any nightmare." The spectre's stormy eyes filled with shame. "And you've already been through so much. _I've_ put you through so much."

The maiden continued to read her lover's face and saw the grief etched into her features. As she stared even deeper into the sentinel's gaze, she realized that there was something accompanying it, something she'd never seen there before – fear. Pressing herself closer, she surrounded the human with her arms, brought her face close and stroked the silky, dark hair behind the woman's ears.

She whispered, "I'm your bondmate, Shepard. You once told me that this is what bondmates do." She felt the spectre tremble, so she gathered her head to her breast, caressing her neck, trying to soothe and comfort her. "Please, love, tell me why you're so afraid."

The spectre glanced up, her eyes pleading, brows knit. "I'm afraid that you'll hate me when you see what I've done. I hate myself for what I've done." She pressed her face back to its soft, resting place and whispered desperately. "I can't stand the thought of losing you, Liara."

The asari understood that whatever secret Shepard had been keeping, she'd kept to protect her. She had no doubt that whatever it was, it was violent and sad, and very likely, terrifying. But, it was tearing her up and the maiden knew that they would never be able to keep the open honesty of their bond if the spectre couldn't let her deep into her mind. She didn't know what to expect, but she knew that there were very few things that her Commander feared.

Filling her lungs, the maiden held her lover and reassured her. "Then if you trust me, you have to let me in – you have to let me _all_ the way in." Cupping her lover's face once more, she guided their foreheads together. "We'll take it slow. Let me help you... show me."

Liara felt Shepard's mind open, reaching for her. She drew a cleansing breath and tenderly pressed her dark lips to the spectre's. Then, she submerged herself in her lover's thoughts. _"Embrace Eternity." _

Liara entered and as always was stunned by the bright beauty of Shepard's mind. The woman had an almost inhuman ability to keep her thoughts intact and ordered, even under duress, and an incredibly strong will. But, she detected the seething darkness that waited at the deeper levels. The maiden immediately began to project images of comfort and encouragement. As she began to close with the tumult below, she felt her lover's resistance rise.

"_Don't fight me, Shepard. Try to relax. Let me in. I'll be gentle."_

"_I trust you, Liara. I'm not worried that you'll hurt me - I don't want to hurt you. Don't want this to hurt you."_

"_You can't protect me from your pain, though I know you want to. I will feel it. Not because you inflict it, only because we share it... and that's the way it is supposed to be. Focus on my love for you. My faith in you is absolute. Know that I will never leave you. Just let me do the work, okay."_

The asari's mind watched as her Commander sighed deeply, then surrendered the barrier she was defending, letting the maiden pass to the dank cave holding her memories of the last hours of the Battle for Earth. As Liara relinquished her own emotions, she took on Shepard's and saw and felt the toll of her experiences.

_Heart aching, mind on fire, Shepard ordered the Normandy away and glanced back once, her heart in her throat as Liara was whisked away. Running across the battle zone, sweat poured as she scrambled to the Citadel beam. Shaking, bleeding she pushed herself up in the wake of Harbinger's deadly blast and forced her body to keep moving to her objective. Armor piercing ammo ripped through her left shoulder and upper chest as she returned fire, killing the last reaper, a marauder, that attempted to stop her._

_Blinding light flashed, then darkness prevailed. She woke on the Citadel to the stench of decaying flesh and the grisly work of the Keepers making their rounds, preparing bodies for processing. Hope flared as Anderson commed her and once again she forced herself up, struggling to reach him, limping through a reeking, body-filled chasm up a ramp, coming face to face with the Illusive Man._

Liara felt Shepard pull back. The spectre spoke to her in a whisper, "This is hard, Liara. I don't know... not … sure..."

The maiden surrounded the spectre' thoughts with warmth and affection and pulled her closer still. "I've got you, love. We will be alright. We can do this together."

Liara steeled herself, already feeling the overwhelming pain and exhaustion that Shepard had felt in her push to the Citadel. As the Commander admitted her to more of the memory, her eyes filled and her own body trembled as the lovers held each other. Liara deepened the meld, pushing further into the cave, becoming one with Shepard.

_Burning anger, then resentment flared, along with a nearly indomitable will, as The Illusive Man tried to exert control over her mind. Shepard reeled under the weight of the grief that shook her as she realized that the madman had enforced his volition on her body enough to force her to pull the trigger of her gun, shooting Anderson. She saw her beloved mentor stagger, still trying to fight alongside her, still trying to give her an edge. Concern for the Admiral threatened her ability to focus, but she bore it and succeeded in wearing the Illusive Man down. As he pulled the trigger of his own pistol, against his own head, she felt the control drop and was riddled with conflicted emotions about his demise._

_Relief washed over her as she stepped to the Citadel controls, opening the arms for the Crucible. But it was swiftly replaced by the return of terrible anguish. As the prothean weapon docked and a bright view of Earth stood in the Citadel opening, she witnessed the last moments of Admiral Anderson's life and was overcome with sorrow and shame as he told her how proud he was of her and took his final breath. _

_Her own wounds throbbed, her arms were coated with blood and she tasted the metallic tang of the injuries to her face as Hackett called her name. Head swimming, body racked with pain, she crawled, trying to get to the controls and fell into darkness. She awoke to the face of a ghost, the child she saw killed in Vancouver, and the memory pierced her. In a resounding voice, the child lectured her, giving her thee choices as to the future of all civilized life in the galaxy. Liara's sense of justice was appalled at the audacity of this entity as she witnessed it force Shepard's hand. She felt the spectre's determination grow as she staggered up the ramp to destroy the abominations loosed by the Leviathan, and felt the tremendous guilt she had already begun to bear for its consequences_. _She shared her lover's anguish and condoned her decision as she fired the shots ending the reaper's reign of terror._

Shepard's emotions washed over Liara like a tidal wave, forcing her to push through the last of it. Drawing deep on her own reserves she dove into the last layer of resistance, struggling to project her own light, her own unconditional love into the darkness of her grieved lover's mind.

_An explosion, as the tube ignited from her pistol shots, then a million broken shards of glass, splintering, piercing her exposed flesh. Sudden searing heat, blinding her, tossing her like a rag doll. Falling. EDI, Legion, Anderson flashing through her mind. Guilt. Remorse. Liara's own image appeared and she felt the desperate, dying Commander reach for it. Admiration. Respect. One moment of beauty – one more second to remember love, before I am nothing. I would die for you – live for me._

That final plea broke Liara's heart. As her thoughts swam to the shallows of the meld, she saw one last image that tore her apart. _She found herself looking in the mirror at the new scars her body bore and she hated them. She'd done her job, but her integrity felt stripped from her. These scars represented grief, not valor – disgrace, not honor. How could Liara love her? How could she ever want me to touch her mind or her body bearing these?_

Liara opened her eyes only to find that she was blinded by the river flowing from them. She felt Shepard's wet cheeks in her hands and pulled her face to her own, pressing her lips to the spectre's eyes, forehead, temples and mouth. _"It's over, love."_

Leaning up, the maiden pulled her shirt over head and removed her bra, throwing them on the floor. Liara pressed into the spectre, begging, searching for some way to heal her lover's wounded soul. "Shepard, I've ached for you. I want you. I need you. Please... please, touch me."

The fervent plea moved the Commander. Sitting up, she tentatively explored, sliding her hands down the asari's soft ribs, across her pebbled back, then cupped the soft mounds of her full breasts leaving trails of raised blue flesh in their wake. Taking the maiden's mouth into her own she suckled the lower dark lip and pressed kisses to the maiden's throat and neck folds. Arms encircling the maiden's supple hips, she rested her face against her stomach, hesitating, her eyes brimming.

Reaching for Shepard, Liara gripped the hem of her BDU shirt and felt the flare of shame that washed through their light meld. She pulled the spectre to her and held her, whispering urgently, tracing the folds of her ear as she spoke. "They're mine Shepard. If you would die for me, then every scar on you belongs to me. I will claim them... even if you won't. Let me see them, love."

The maiden stood, guiding her lover up with her. Reaching out she freed the sentinel's torso from her shirt and stepped into her, kissing the hollow of her throat, running her fingers over the firm flesh of her chest and back. Shepard grasped her face and pulled her into a deep, sensual kiss, caressing Liara's lips with her own, gently probing her mouth with her tongue. But, Liara felt the lingering fear in it and she wanted her uninhibited lover back.

Nerves flaring, the asari stepped back, dropping her pants and underwear in one swift movement, then reached for the uniform buckle at Shepard's waist, opening it, her hands glossing over the tight muscles of the spectre's abdomen, ghosting to her covered flanks. Gently, but firmly, she propelled the spectre to sit on the edge of the bed, then kneeling removed her boots. Lightly running her hands over the sentinel's shoulders and ribs, she pulled the sentinel back up and pushed the trousers over her hips to pool at their feet.

As they stood naked, face to face, Liara drank in Shepard's body. To her, it was still the beautiful, sculpted body she loved. The sentinel was, in fact, covered with scars and pink-fleshed wounds, but to the asari they were tokens of devotion - not to be abhorred, but to be admired as marks of strength. Somehow that observation released an almost feral desire in Liara to be taken, completely taken. And she knew Shepard would never be the same unless she regained the confidence to fulfill that wish.

Shepard had been responsive, but uncharacteristically timid, and the asari could still feel the self-loathing reluctance in her mind. If it took driving the spectre mad with her mind and her body, that was what she would do. Gently, she pushed the sentinel down, guiding her toward the headboard on her back. Then, she straddled her hips, the heat of her azure beckoning the flesh beneath.

Leaning over the spectre, she ensured that her breasts were tantalizingly close to her lover's mouth, but just out of reach as she whispered. "Do you trust me, Shepard?"

The sentinel swallowed hard and drew a heavy breath, "Always, Liara."

Through the meld the asari knew it was true. Seductively, she exhaled behind her ear, "You will be able to break my hold on you, but you will have to really... really, want to." Glowing with blue light, she put a light stasis hold around the spectre's hands and wrists, binding them to the bed. Whispering lightly, she asked, "Are you comfortable?"

Shepard's eyes were wide, but she nodded. "I am."

Starting with the spectre's face, head and throat, Liara mapped her body – fingertips, then lips delicately tracing the thin lines of the scar through her eyebrow over her nose and past her jaw, hands drawing over the balls of her shoulders, gripping her upper arms as she kissed the yellowing bruises under the spectre's eyes. _"These are mine, Shepard."_ Drawing the sentinel's bottom lip between her own, she caressed it with her tongue, lightly biting as she drew her body against Shepard's, her heated breasts and belly sliding down the spectre's torso. She could sense the sentinel's hunger beginning to build quickly as she felt her frame shift under her weight.

Feather light she nuzzled the sentinel's neck, tenderly kissing the hollow at the base of her throat, trailing her lips over the starburst shaped scars near her left collarbone and just above her breast. _"Mine too."_ Caressing her lover's breasts with her palms, she moved deliberately, slowly, to trace the long, white surgical scar forming next to the spectre's sternum with her mouth, her breath flooding over the smooth skin as she lightly nibbled first one, then the other, erect nipple. _"This one belongs to me."_

Her own body burned with need as she proceeded, yearning for the spectre, letting her passion permeate the meld, teasing her body to action. She felt Shepard arch into her touch as desire began to blaze in the spectre's thoughts, her grief beginning to drift and recede. For every nick, bruise or scar she found, the asari soothed it and made it her own. For every one Liara claimed, the spectre surged into her healing touch, accepting her love, nerves heightening with each movement.

The maiden continued her quest. Her fingers roamed over Shepard's ribs to the plains of her flanks, her tongue trailing liquid fire across the muscled belly, stoking the flames in the human's mind. Delicately, she cupped the soft flesh between the spectre's legs as her lips wandered the edges of the light wrap over the last remaining open wound on her lover's body. Nibbling the expanse of her inner thighs, she heard Shepard groan and felt her hips bear into her hand, the heat searing the pads of her fingers. The spectre's mind reached for her, begging for the maiden to deepen the meld, to enter her needy body. Determined to persuade her lover to action, the maiden pressed on.

Opening her mind further, Liara fully exposed the sentinel to her own urgent ache, allowing her scorching need to flood Shepard's senses as she began to explore the soft folds of the spectre's sex with her mouth, massaging the wet fronds with her lips, darting over the emerging bud with her tongue – teasing, tasting the drenched, silky opening beneath, but stopping just short of satisfying the building desire. She felt Shepard buck and quiver with need, her own desire overwhelming her. The strategy provoked the sentinel rapidly, and Liara smiled as she felt the biotic manacles on her lover snap at the same time the spectre's mind surged to take what she wanted. _"Mine."_ Shepard growled through the bond. _"I love you, Liara. You're mine."_

Scars forgotten, Shepard pulled her up, embracing her, and reversed their positions. The spectre took her mouth in a deep, thrilling kiss, their tongues dancing, their lips gliding, as she pressed her heat into the asari's azure. All reticence vanished as her fingertips penetrated the folds on the maiden's neck, pinching the nerves to life as she followed each crease, stroking the underside of the maiden's sensitive crest with each pass. Liara gasped under the press of her lover's weight, flame playing through her belly, a deep abiding skin hunger ramping her need, making her brain buzz.

The maiden's hands latched onto the sentinel as she dropped her mouth to her breasts, suckling each dark, erect nipple, vigorously devouring the soft flesh. Strong fingertips migrated over the maiden's shoulders to the hollow of her back pressing into the divots of her spine as they dropped to grasp the firm mounds of her supple buttocks. The feel of Shepard's hands gripping her, wanting her, and the unleashed desire to reclaim her, made her cry. Pleading into her lover's neck she whimpered, "Take me, Shepard."

The spectre swiftly obliged, bringing her fingertips around the asari's leg, stroking through the pooling wetness of her azure, driving into the silky depths of her body. Liara's hips thrust greedily into Shepard's hand and she felt herself surge to the edge of the cliff as she drank in her lover's stormy, starving eyes. Dropping her lips Shepard suckled Liara's erect arch, lashing relentlessly with the tip of her tongue, driving the asari to the brink of madness. Determined to push the maiden into the waiting storm, the spectre fully opened her mind, all self-doubt scoured away, replaced by the fierce passion the maiden set free. _"Come with me."_

Body on fire, Liara panted for breath as her lover plunged into her depths, her fingertips delivering glancing blows to the sweet spot inside, her lips and tongue searing her with each pass. Seeing a starfield, she hungered for release and dove into the spectre's waiting mind. Shepard surrendered to the maiden's primal need and together they began to fly across the landscape of their joined minds, fire encompassing them, cleansing them as they arced and plummeted together, the impact merging them into one.

What started as an aftershock rapidly became a pounding need as Liara pulled Shepard's face to her own and locked onto her swollen lips while driving her own fingers into her lover's needy, pulsing body. Feeling the spectre's thumb immediately sparking her arch, fingers still braced against her inner walls, stretching, coaxing, she reached toward the sky. Again, they burned and arced, colliding into each other, all logical thought gone, wrapped in pure emotion.

Liara felt Shepard wrap her in her arms, and roll onto her back. Clinging, joyously tearful, she sighed in contentment as she pulled her lover's face to her own, engaging her in a deep, languid kiss. Settling into the soft pillows, they relaxed into the shallows of the meld.

"_Pretty tame for us, wasn't it?"_

"_We had to start somewhere. Maybe now we'll get more practice."_

"_I could get used to that idea, beautiful."_

"_Do you know, Shepard, that you are beautiful too?"_

"_I adore you, Liara. But, that doesn't seem possible."_

"_Then look – I'll show you what I see" _The maiden opened a window within. She showed her lover the radiant light of a star gone supernova, the cool tide-pools of her home in Armali teeming with life, and the moonlit, amethyst mountains she'd climbed on Palaven as a small child.

"_Wish I could do that."_

Liara laughed. _"You have. Look."_ Opening another view, the maiden showed her spring rain on an emerald green meadow with two willows twined in the bank of a stream, the flare of light in a perfect sapphire, and a tiny quail nestled in the palm of her own hand.

The spectre groaned._ "You must think I'm crazy. The baby bird is..."_

The maiden pressed a kiss to her cheek, as she snuggled deeper into the spectre's arms. _"I know all about the little bird. Those tiny ones meant a great deal to you. You want to protect me, like you protected them. That doesn't offend me, love. And... of course, "little wing" means something very special to me."_

Caressing the maiden's freckled cheek, Shepard gazed into her sapphire eyes. _"I always want to protect you. I would die for you."_

Turning to her stomach, she propped herself onto her lover's chest and sighed deeply. _"Shepard, I'd rather you focus on living __**with**__ me. Preferably for a long while. Okay?"_

The spectre soundly kissed her dark lips. _"I think that sounds like a great idea. I'm all for giving it a try."_

As Liara released the meld, her omnitool began to chirp incessantly. Irritated, she pulled herself to the edge of the bed and hitting the audio only control, answered it tersely. "Dr. T'Soni."

"This is Javik. I believe I have discovered something very important. Something that may be of great value and of great interest to you. I wish you to see it."

Shepard leaned up caressing her shoulder, kissing her neck as she asked him, "What is it? Can it wait?"

"No. This will not keep. It is an ancient prothean glyph."

Liara's voice rose an octave. "You found an ancient prothean glyph on the ship?"

"Yes. It is complicated. But, if it is what I believe, it is one of the signs."

Intrigued, the maiden rose to her feet, the Commander close behind already looking for their clothes. "What signs, Javik?"

"Signs that lead to Lucen's Gate." He announced decisively. "I am on the bridge. Are you on your way?"

Excitement sparkled in the maiden's eyes. "Commander Shepard and I will be right there."

Shepard studied the maiden closely. "Do you know anything about this thing? What is it?"

Liara put her arms around the Commander and beamed. "If it really is Lucen's Gate... it is exactly what the galaxy will need right about now. Come on, I'll tell you about it on the way to the bridge."

x

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The End

(...Of the Beginning...)

A/N - Cheers to all who have read along, and many thanks to those who have favorited and followed! Special thanks to Wyles77 and OriginalAlcy for the encouragement and PMs! And a special shout out to SherryE for sharing your thoughts and ideas, and to Spectre117 for just being your wonderful self. If you've enjoyed "Blue Grit" be on the lookout down the road for the followup, "Quest for Lucen's Gate". My best to all! Happy reading and writing!


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